


More Afterthoughts

by wesawbears



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2018-12-12 11:21:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 46
Words: 25,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11736015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wesawbears/pseuds/wesawbears
Summary: A continuation of "Afterthoughts", where I put my prompts from Tumblr. Pairings will be updated as I go, but a good mix of Andreil, Jerejean, Kandreil and random antics. Enjoy!





	1. Andreil- Beach

Neil sat in his Advanced Statistics class, anxious for the period to be over. He was sure his rapid tapping of his pencil was annoying the girl sitting next to him, if her glares were any indication, but Neil couldn’t bring himself to care. After class, he and Andrew were leaving for the weekend, just the two of them. No Kevin, or Nicky or Aaron, just him, Andrew, the open road, and hopefully a bed to sleep in, though Neil wasn’t picky.

When the professor finally dismissed them, Neil was already out of his seat, eager to leave as quickly as possible. He stepped out of the classroom and his heart skipped a beat when he saw Andrew waiting for him.

“Do you need to stop back at the room?” Andrew asked, twirling his keys on his finger.

Neil held up his duffel bag already packed in answer and Andrew rolled his eyes. “Damaged,” he said, already heading for the car.

“You like it,” Neil retorted, catching up to him easily. 

They got in the car and Andrew dialed on the radio. “Direction?” he asked.

“East,” Neil said and Andrew raised an eyebrow.

“You know there’s only so far east we can go before hitting the beach, right?”

“I know.”

“You don’t like the beach.”

“No,” Neil answered truthfully. ‘But you do,’ lay unspoken between them.

“Martyr,” Andrew murmured under his breath and started driving.

After that, the car ride was quiet, neither of them needing to fill the space. They’d have time to talk once they made it to where they were going. 

They arrived at nightfall and despite his hesitation about beaches, Neil had to admit it was beautiful. They walked over to the surf and Andrew laid down a blanket for them to sit on as they watched the waves.

Neil was looking at Andrew in a way that must have been too adoring because Andrew pushed his face away with two fingers. “Don’t get too comfortable. The blanket’s for wrapping your body in later.”

Neil smiled, “Aww, my own shroud? And here I thought you’d just dump me in the ocean.”

“Don’t give me ideas,” Andrew said, but his hand moved towards Neil’s face. Neil nodded and Andrew cupped his cheek, running his thumb over the scars below his eye. 

Neil nuzzled into the touch and turned to kiss Andrew’s palm. “You make me so happy.”

Andrew’s hand twitched. “You can’t say shit like that.”

“Why not? It’s true.” Andrew didn’t answer, so Neil continued, “I don’t care if it’s messed up or if you don’t agree. This is where I want to be and until you say you don’t want this, I’m not going anywhere.” He brushed his lips over Andrew’s knuckles. “Nothing you can do will scare me away.”

Neil held his breath, nervous he had crossed a line, but after a moment, Andrew turned and shook out two cigarettes, handing one to Neil. Neil grinned and watched as the smoke drifted up towards the sky. Neil felt as their fingers brushed in the sand and Neil caught Andrew’s hand in his. Neil looked at their hands and then back at the sky. They were going to be okay.


	2. Andreil- Reconciliation

When Andrew and Neil fought, people expected it to be cataclysmic, expected that they would be able to feel the reverberation as two immovable objects collided.And it did happen that way sometimes. They both knew how to make their words hurt, with neither of them raised on gentleness or fair fights.

What people didn’t see, though, was what happened once the dust settled. 

As Neil looked around their apartment, space empty since Andrew had left to smoke a cigarette (without him), he felt a hollowness settle in his chest. The whole thing had been so stupid.

It started when Neil pushed himself too hard at practice, leaving him limping off the field. He thought he was being subtle, but Andrew was always watching, always noticed, and he wasn’t pleased.

“I thought we had an understanding about you not killing yourself.”

“I’m fine.”

Andrew’s eyes flashed. “Don’t. You can lie to yourself, but don’t lie to me.”

Neil knew Andrew was looking out for him, but the frustration from practice bled into his mood and he found himself lashing out. “Maybe I wouldn’t have to push myself if other people pulled their weight.”

“Enlighten me. How am I not pulling my weight?”

“You have the luxury of treating it like it doesn’t matter, but if I screw up, I’m dead.”

“I didn’t make the deal. Do not blame me because you regret your actions.”

“It kept me alive.”

“Then stop complaining about it.”

Neil stormed out the front door, needing to run his agitation off. Part of him felt badly about just leaving, but he hoped Andrew knew that he would come back. 

Which led to this moment and the empty living room and the pit in his chest. 

He swallowed his pride and headed out to the balcony, where Andrew was perched looking out over the railing. He shut the door to alert Andrew to his presence, though he suspected Andrew already knew he was there.

“I don’t want to fight anymore,” Neil said in greeting.

Andrew flicked his gaze up to meet Neil’s, silently waiting for him to go on. Neil walked closer and rested his hands over the railing. “I shouldn’t have pushed myself. And I shouldn’t have pushed you away.”

Andrew shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”

“I hurt you. That matters to me.”

Andrew dragged his gaze up to meet Neil’s. “We’re being honest?”

Neil nodded.

Andrew took another drag and thought for a moment. “Your deal makes me feel useless.”

Neil swallowed. “I can take care of myself.”

“The last time you said that, you disappeared. And when you came back-”

“Andrew…” Neil said, reaching for him.

“Don’t.”

Neil immediately pulled his hands back and shoved them in his pockets. “Andrew. If I’m not dead by now, it’s going to take a hell of a lot to get rid of me.”

“Have I ever mentioned what an enormous pain in my ass you are?” Andrew said, but his tone was lighter.

Neil smiled. “You’re the one who told me to stay.”

This time, when Neil extended his hand, Andrew took it. “At least this time, you’re where I can see you.”

Neil took a cigarette from Andrew and they stayed out there smoking, hands entwined, until the early hours of the morning.


	3. Kandreil- Cake

Neil walked into the apartment and immediately knew something was wrong. Andrew was sitting on the couch, which wasn’t unusual, but Kevin was in the bedroom with the door closed, which was. Neil sighed, realizing they must be having one of their spats. Andrew and Kevin were just as wrapped up in each other as Neil and Andrew were, but they were both so stubborn and had an antagonistic enough history prior to getting together that they fought more regularly.

Neil scrubbed a hand over his face and looked at Andrew. “What happened? I was gone for two hours, maybe.”

Andrew shrugged. “Ask Benedict Arnold in there.”

“Jesus Christ, Andrew,” came the muffled reply from the bedroom. The door opened to reveal Kevin’s annoyed form, arms crossed over his chest. “It’s a cake, not a fucking child. You shouldn’t be eating it anyway.”

“Oh, so I can throw out all your hoodies then? You don’t need more than one.”

Neil looked at Kevin. “Seriously? You threw out his cake? Do you want to die?”

“You’re as dramatic as him,” Kevin answered, “He can just get a new one.”

Andrew scoffed. “Nice try. You threw it out, you buy me a new one.”

Neil rolled his eyes. “Kevin, just buy him a goddamn cake.”

Kevin gaped at him. “You’re taking his side?”

“I’m taking the side of this is stupid and you’re sleeping in the bathtub until this is fixed.”

Kevin threw his hands up and stalked off towards the bedroom, muttering about Patrick Henry and the injustice of it all. “What’s next, walking around saying ‘give me cake or give me death?’”

Neil looked back at Andrew. “How much of this fit is just to piss him off?”

“Seventy percent. To be fair, it was red velvet.”

“I’ll assume that’s good.”

Andrew nodded and Neil sat next to him. “You’re planning something, aren’t you?”

Andrew just leaned back on the couch and Neil decided not to press it, figuring he wasn’t a good enough person to not want to see how this played out.

\--

The next morning, Neil returned from his run to find a sign on the fridge that read, “Give me cake or give me death.” Neil stifled a laugh, knowing that once Kevin woke up, he was going to be pissed.

Sure enough, as Kevin walked toward the fridge to get milk for his coffee, he saw the note and swore loudly. “Are you serious?”

Andrew looked up briefly from his own coffee and said, “You were the one who suggested it. It’s catchy, isn’t it?”

Kevin said nothing, but reached for Neil’s keys and stormed out the door.

A half an hour later, he returned with a cake, which Andrew started in on swiftly. “Want some?” he asked Kevin smugly.

Kevin tore the sign off the fridge and angrily cut himself a small slice of cake. Neil sighed and swiped some frosting off of Kevin’s piece, the spite being worth the fact that he disliked the sweetness. Let it never be said that they were boring.


	4. Kevin and Jean- Goodbye

Once Kevin finished relaying the entire sordid tale to Thea, with Jean filling in the details Kevin missed, she left quickly, face imperceptible as she claimed she needed time to think. Kevin hung his head and his hands and Jean scoffed.

“That went well.”

Kevin glared up at him. “Enjoying my misery?”

“Oh, I am,” Jean rasped, lacerations on his throat still healing.

Kevin had the gall to look hurt. “We used to be friends,” he said quietly, “When did you start hating me? Just because I’m not a Raven-”

“You fucking asshole. I’m sitting here, like this, and you expect me to lick your wounds for you? This is your fault.”

Kevin’s face changed to indignant. “My fault? I wasn’t even there!”

Jean looked at him, grey eyes blank and Kevin flinched. “You’re right,” Jean said. “You weren’t there. You knew what would happen to me and you left anyway.”

“Jean...you know I couldn’t stay.”

“If you did what you had to do, I don’t blame you, but don’t claim I owe you loyalty or friendship. You know better.”

Kevin pursed his lips. “Well, you’re out now. Have you thought about where you’ll go?”

Jean had not missed Kevin’s one track mind and were it not so much effort, he would have rolled his eyes. Instead, he just looked at him as though he’d started speaking in tongues. “I have to go back. Riko is probably angry enough as it is.”

“Riko has no power. Not any real power. We could protect you.”

“I would die before becoming one of your rejects. The shame would kill me faster than Riko.”

“It’s not just Riko, though. It’s Ichirou now too. You have to play somewhere and you didn’t survive this long for your pride to kill you.”

Jean looked at him hatefully. “Then I will figure it out and it’s none of your concern. You don’t have to pretend to care because you feel guilty.”

Kevin didn’t answer and instead started thinking of options. “You could go to USC.”

“California? Your solution is sending me to the spirit squad?”

“It’s in the big three, I can reach out to Jeremy and you know Coach Rhemann will take you. They’d be fools not to.”

Kevin could tell from the working of his jaw that Jean was running on the last vestiges of refusal. “I don’t need pity.”

“It’s not pity,” Kevin said emphatically, “You’re the best at what you do. The second word got out that you were a free agent, schools would be falling over themselves to get you. This way, we’d be able to minimize the fallout.”

Exhausted from this conversation, Jean let himself relax against the pillows. “Do what you’d like. If they agree to take me, I will consider it.”

Kevin nodded before standing up to give Jean some space while he found Thea. He made it halfway to the door before turning around and walking back to Jean’s bedside. He leaned down to kiss Jean’s cheek, almost at the corner of his lips because of how he was avoiding the scar that ran up Jean’s face.

“I’m sorry you’re hurt. And that part of it was me.”

He walked away and Jean knew he wouldn’t be getting any rest tonight.


	5. Jerejean- In the Moment Kiss

In Jean’s opinion, it was an objective fact that Jeremy Knox was beautiful. Even before the Trojans, before any of it, Jean had been entranced. He supposed it was a matter of those kept in darkness being attracted to the light, or something equally as poetic and disgusting. He knew Kevin felt the same way, but the difference between them was that Jean knew it was dangerous to stare at the sun too long and he wasn’t about to go blind. Jeremy was a dream, one Jean couldn’t afford to get wrapped up in.

When Jean arrived at USC, he found that like most things, the real Jeremy was nothing like he imagined. He was stubborn and anxious and wanted to be liked so badly. And Jean pushed and pushed him but Jeremy refused to pull and eventually something snapped between them and Jean found himself falling headlong into Jeremy.

So now, here he was, face to face with broken, beautiful Jeremy and Jean was lost.

“Jean? Have you heard anything I’ve said?”

Jean looked up and smirked. “To be honest, I was staring at the crumb stuck at the corner of your lip.” He reached over to wipe it away with his thumb and Jeremy blushed.

Jean didn’t feel like disclosing that that wasn’t entirely true and that he was staring at Jeremy’s lips for completely different reasons. They were in an odd place in their friendship where they knew they liked each other and flirted constantly, but neither of them were willing to take the final step. 

Jeremy grinned and stepped closer to Jean so that he was looking up at him, chest to chest. Jean looked down to meet his gaze, only to have Jeremy reach his hand up to poke his nose.

“Gotcha,” he said, wide smile splitting his face.

Jean knew it was his turn in their game and that he should do something silly, like throw Jeremy over his shoulder or reach out to tickle him or something, but without thinking, he leaned down and pressed his lips to Jeremy’s. He was about to pull away and apologize, when Jeremy pressed up on his toes to meet him and Jean deepened the kiss. Jeremy let out a little contented sigh against his lips and Jean felt his heart thump against his chest. 

He grabbed Jeremy’s hand, who promptly laced their fingers together, and led him to the bed so they were sitting facing each other. Jeremy leaned in to kiss him again, but Jean put a hand on his chest to stop him.

“Tell me you want this,” Jean said, forehead pressed against Jeremy’s.

“Jean...of course I want this.” Jean looked down and Jeremy tipped his head up. “You deserve to be happy, Jean. It’s okay. I’m right here and I really want you to kiss me again.”

Jean leaned in again and held himself a breath away from Jeremy’s lips for a long moment before closing the gap and kissing him again. Jeremy wrapped his arms around him and it felt like a promise.


	6. Kevin and Andrew- Breakfast

It was Sunday, which meant it was the one day Kevin gave himself to sleep in. So to say he was irritated at being shoved awake at 7:30 in the morning was an understatement.

He rolled over, smacking his hand onto his forehead and blinked blearily at the light. Once his eyes focused, he could just make out Andrew’s impassive face staring down at him. “What do you want?” he asked, trying to sound menacing, but only managing pathetic.

Andrew looked impatient. “The pop tarts are on the top shelf.”

“Jesus...really, Andrew?”

“Yes.”

Kevin sighed and threw the covers off. Normally, Andrew would have convinced Neil to climb up on the counter to get them, but Neil’s team had an away game that weekend, while they were at home. So harassing Kevin was his only option.

Andrew said nothing as Kevin followed him into the kitchen. Kevin looked up and saw the the offending cabinet had been left open and that there was a chair shoved up against the counter. At least Andrew had tried to get it on his own before waking Kevin up. That had to count for something. Kevin reached up for the for the box, letting his sleep shirt ride up a little bit to reveal a strip of his abs. If he had to be awake this early, he would at least make Andrew sweat for it a little bit. 

He brought the box down and set it on the counter. Before he could say anything, Andrew pulled him down by the neck into a kiss. Kevin very charitably said nothing about the fact that Andrew had to press up on his toes to get Kevin to his level and kissed him back. Kissing Andrew was a delicate thing and though Kevin really wanted to lift Andrew up onto the counter like he did with Neil for a better angle, he resisted the urge. He was content just to have this.

After a moment, Andrew pulled away and reached for the pop tart box. He took one out of the package and bit into it, making Kevin wrinkle up his nose in disgust. “You’re not even going to toast it first?”

Andrew stared blankly at him. “You are the only person who still toasts pop tarts.”

Kevin glared. “I am not. Plenty of people toast their pop tarts because they know society has rules.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Keep talking and I’ll pour syrup on it and make you watch me eat it.”

Kevin grimaced, but knew if he said anything else Andrew would make good on his threat, so he turned and looked in a different cabinet for his granola.

“Shit,” he said, closing the door. “I forgot I was out. I’ll have to run to the store and-”

Andrew was holding his hand out. “Just have a pop tart, Kevin.”

Kevin looked anxious. “I don’t know, it’s not in my diet plan…”

“Kevin.”

Kevin reached out and took the pop tart.

“Good,” Andrew said.

Kevin sat across from him and sipped his coffee. They ate breakfast in silence with their hands entwined in the middle of the table. It was a good morning.


	7. Andreil- Leaving

It goes like this.

The first time, it’s Neil. His second year is a lot, with Jack and being co-captain, and as much as he understands why Andrew won’t fight this for him, it sucks feeling like there’s no one on his side during this. Usually, taking solace in their roof meetings was enough, but Nathaniel’s birthday was coming up and Jack would not shut up and he was losing it and why couldn’t Andrew see that?

So on the morning of January 19, he runs and runs until he doesn’t know where he is and his phone is dead. He somehow gets back to campus and Andrew stays up just long enough to ignore Neil when he gets back to the dorm.

\--

It goes like this.

It’s Andrew’s last year at PSU and he’s been fine sharing a bed with Neil, but tonight, it’s too much and his skin is crawling and he knows he should just tell Neil to leave, but he can’t speak and he has to get out of here, he has to go, so he goes and gets in the car and drives to Columbia alone. He doesn’t answer anyone’s calls, not Neil’s, not Nicky’s, not even Bee’s. 

He comes back at the end of the weekend and the last thing he expected was Neil looking him in the eye and saying, “I understand.”

\--

It goes like this. 

They have an apartment and cats and they’re on the same team and it’s so...normal and domestic. It’s so good and Neil knows deep down that he doesn’t deserve any of it. He can’t have this.

The back and forth to different cities for games helps and normally when he feels the itch to run, a ride with Andrew keeps it at bay, but tonight, nothing is working and he doesn’t notice he’s throwing things in an overnight bag until he looks up and Andrew is leaning against the doorjamb, eyes unreadable.

“I’ll be back in a few days,” Neil says, shakily.

Andrew nods slowly and watches him finish packing. 

Neil comes home with three cartons of ice cream and lets Andrew suck marks into his neck that say, “Stay.”

\--

It goes like this.

It’s been years and Andrew is comfortable with Neil’s skin against his in a way he’s never been with anyone, but tonight, for no reason, it’s too much and being with Neil wasn’t bad, but the after is too much. 

He gets up and throws on his boxers and shirt and grabs his cigarettes. He heads to the balcony, but no amount of nicotine can erase the lump in his throat remembering the image of Neil drawing the blanket around himself, hurt just barely flickering over his features.

\--

It goes like this.

They’re antagonistic with each other, always have been, but actual arguments between them are rare. Tonight, though, they’re both on edge and the words between them get more and more clipped, until neither of them can say anything for fear of crossing that unspoken line they can’t come back from.

Neil’s staring down at his hands until he hears Andrew say, “Not running?”

He pauses and even though he should want to, he swallows and says, “No. I’m staying right here. You?”

“I’m here,” Andrew says.

It’s not perfect, but that night, they stay.


	8. Jerejean- Shower

Jeremy thought he knew what he was getting into moving in with Jean. After all, they had been roommates for a year at USC and no harm had come to either of them, right?

And things were going well. It was nice having someone to come home to, someone to cook dinner with, someone to lean against when they watched TV at the end of a long night-okay, maybe they cuddled slightly more than regular roommates, but it worked for them and they were both happy.

One thing that was different from their USC days, at least for Jeremy, was the fact that he was developing more than platonic feelings for Jean. Jean had changed a lot since that first hard year as a Trojan and now, whenever they sat together in the evenings, Jean glowing in the lamp light, Jeremy couldn’t help but think of how easy it would be to close the gap between them. But Jeremy would never push before Jean was ready and even though he didn’t think he was imagining the way Jean looked at him, he was content to wait until they were both able to take that step.

Not everything about Jean had changed, however. For example, his complete ignorance of the concept of privacy. It had been fine in the dorms- space was too confined for modesty and the Trojans were in and out of each other’s space constantly. But now, with an entire two bedroom apartment between them, what Jeremy certainly didn’t expect was Jean entering to have a casual conversation while Jeremy was just stepping out of the shower.

He had just wrapped a towel around his waist when Jean entered. “Jeremy-”

He squeaked, working hard not to slip on the tiles in surprise and held fast to his towel.

Jean tilted his head to the side. “Stop screaming, it’s just me. I think we’re out of milk. Is there anything you need from the store?”

Jeremy wasn’t sure if he was warm from the steam or the blood rushing to his face. “Um- can we maybe talk about this once I’m dressed?”

Jean seemed to notice this fact for the first time, judging from the way he blushed as he trailed his gaze over Jeremy’s bare torso. He didn’t know if it was only embarrassment or was that- appreciation? Jeremy was sure if he got any warmer he was going to die. “Oh-um-sure,”Jean said, looking embarrassed, “I’ll just-”

“Yeah.”

Once he was gone, Jeremy had to lean against the wall for support, since his knees felt like they had turned to jelly. How was he supposed to deal with Jean looking at him like that? He took a moment to catch his breath, then finished dressing and headed to the kitchen, where Jean was sitting.

“Jeremy, I’m sorry about earlier, I wasn’t thinking-”

Jeremy waved a hand. “It’s fine. Nothing you haven’t seen before. So, uh, milk?’

Jean nodded and charitably ignored the rise in pitch of Jeremy’s voice.

This was getting out of hand.


	9. Andreil- Guardian Angel

Neil, like everyone else, had heard the stories growing up. Every person had a guardian angel. If you played your cards right, you would never meet them. Instead, they were a figure in your dreams, a shadow in the corner of your eye. You only saw them when you were in mortal danger, where only the powers of an angel could keep you safe.

Neil was an exceptional case, and, as such, had seen his guardian angel quite a bit. He never said anything and he never stuck around for long, but Neil knew him. Sometimes, with all the moving and hiding and changing identities, he felt like he knew his guardian angel’s face better than he knew his own.

He was short, shorter than Neil, and had a shock of blond hair and a serious face. Neil had seen him deflect blows and bullets alike, but his guardian never stuck around long enough for Neil to learn his name or thank him. When Neil was little, he had hoped his angel would be his friend, someone to help him feel a little less lonely, but eventually, he stopped hoping for that. He wondered instead about whether guardians had any choice over whether the lives they protected were worth saving.

\--

During the year Neil spent in Millport, he didn’t catch a single glimpse of his mysterious guardian. He figured they must have been enjoying the vacation time. 

On the day David Wymack came to recruit Neil, however, he looked up after Andrew Minyard slammed him in the stomach and there stood his guardian. Neil would know his face anywhere.

At first, he thought nothing of it. He was in pain, so naturally, his angel would appear. He must have just been delirious and seen him standing in front of Andrew. It was later, when he was no longer in pain and Andrew still looked the same that Neil came to the revelation that Andrew was in fact his guardian angel.

After the incident in Wymack’s apartment, Neil gestured for Andrew to follow him, which he did, albeit reluctantly.

“Holy shit-” Neil greeted, “You’re real?”

Andrew raised an eyebrow. “Fascinating start to a conversation. You’re doing great.”

“You know what I mean. I didn’t know guardian angels were real people.”

Andrew glowered at him. “We’re not, usually. Just for especially hopeless murder magnets like yourself.”

Neil thought it over. He didn’t trust Andrew and he knew Andrew didn’t trust him, but Andrew had kept him safe so far during his time at Palmetto. “How do I know it’s not just a coincidence? Or that you’re not something else trying to trick me?”

“You don’t,” Andrew answered flatly. “You’ll just have to believe it or not. It doesn’t affect me either way. The truth does not change based on what you believe.”

With that, Andrew turned and followed the others, leaving Neil to scramble behind to catch up. He didn’t know whether to believe Andrew, but he wanted to, which was perhaps the scariest thought of all.


	10. Andreil- Strip

With all the commotion of his first season with the Foxes, it hadn’t fully occurred to Neil that in the second season, there would be a new group of teammates to have to incorporate into the team dynamic. He had been so blind to this fact that though he knew he was moving in with Andrew and Kevin, he was jarred by the sight of unfamiliar faces on their floor.

It took a lot for him to ignore the impulse to just pretend they weren’t there, but he knew as vice-captain he had an obligation to get to know them, as he was partially responsible for keeping the newbies in line. Jack is an asshole right from the start, but as long as he’s only focusing on Neil, he doesn’t have a problem fending him off. He’s taken worse. 

However, today, Jack set his sights on someone else. Today’s target was a quiet kid named Alex, who had a series of scars across his torso from an unstable mother. Jack was being generally obnoxious as the kid tried to get changed, yelling things like, “take it off!” and “Strip for us, darlin’!”

Neil had been on his way to the stall to change, but he saw Alex growing more and more uncomfortable, trying to hide his torso, but refusing to give Jack the satisfaction of leaving, and decided enough was enough.

“Hey Jack. Wanna see fucked up?” 

Neil took his shirt off and though his skin was crawling, he let everyone get a good look at his marred torso. 

Jack sneered. “As if we didn’t already know you were a freak.”

But the damage was done. As long as the attention was on Neil, it was off Alex and the whole thing became less of a spectacle.

The locker room began to clear out until it was only Neil and Andrew left. Neil smirked as he pulled his jersey on. “Enjoy the show?”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Your martyr complex isn’t any more amusing now than it has been.”

Neil let Andrew push him towards the wall. “Sort of like this,” he said, landing a kiss to Andrew’s neck. 

Andrew shivered, but pushed away lightly. “Later.”

As Andrew walked away, Neil called out, “You think it’s hot.”

He didn’t specify whether he was talking about the neck kisses or the martyr complex.

\--

That night, they were on Neil’s part of the bunk, kissing while keeping an eye on the door to make sure Kevin didn’t walk in and start bitching at them. After a few minutes, Andrew’s hand wandered down to the bottom of Neil’s shirt. “Yes or no?”

Neil’s breath hitched and he thought for a second before deciding. “Yes.”

Together, they pulled his shirt off and Andrew began the ascent of his lips up Neil’s torso. He kissed every scar, until Neil could do nothing but whine softly and cling onto Andrew’s arms where he’d been given permission to touch.

When Andrew reached Neil’s face, he looked him in the eye and said, “There is nothing wrong with you,” before kissing him hard.

Neil let Andrew pull him down deeper and deeper, until all of it was gone from his mind: not Jack, not his past, not the threat of Kevin walking in, could stop him from being here for this.


	11. Andreil- Club

Of the group that frequently went to Columbia, Neil was still by far the most conservative in his consumption of substances. Considering the bar the rest of the Monsters set though, Neil had plenty of room to drink his fill. He knew to keep himself below his limit and he knew he had Andrew’s watchful eyes on him, so nothing too bad ever happened.

Tonight, he had just enough to feel relaxed, a pleasant buzz running through his system. He was walking over to the bar to get more drinks for him and andrew, when his path was blocked by a beefy man in a muscle tee. 

“You have such a pretty little mouth,” the man said in lieu of a greeting.

Neil raised his eyebrows. He wasn’t drunk enough to miss the implications of that. “Excuse me?”

The man leaned against the bar. “You heard me, sugar.”

Neil backed out of his reach. “I’m not interested.”

The man was drunk enough to not get the memo and moved closer. “C’mon, sweet stuff-”

Before he could go on, Neil drew his knee up into the man’s groin and reached out with the heel of his hand to nearly break his nose. “Back. Off.”

The man was dragged off by a bouncer at Roland’s signal, but before he was all the way out of the building, he yelled, “You’re lucky I even looked at you, you scarred fucking freak!”

When Neil turned, Andrew was there and Neil smiled. Andrew would let him fight his own battles, but was there to lean against afterwards.

“You’re alright?” he asked, checking Neil over for injuries.

Neil bit back the urge to say he was fine, knowing the reaction it would get him. Instead, he said, “He didn’t touch me. I’m good.”

Andrew nodded and pulled Neil away back towards their table. “I didn’t end up getting our drinks,” Neil said.

Andrew waved the hand that wasn’t holding Neil’s. “It doesn’t matter.”

Neil was confused at first when they passed the table, but stopped caring as he realized Andrew was pulling him toward a more secluded corner. Former employee perks meant Andrew knew all the best secret places.

When they reached the back wall, Andrew leaned against and pulled Neil to him. Neil let his hands hover by Andrew’s shoulders before he got the nod of approval to rest his hands there. Once they were comfortable, Andrew pulled Neil into a kiss and Neil smiled against his lips, tasting sugar and alcohol and something uniquely Andrew.

Kissing him made Neil forget about the shitty start to the night and the feeling of Andrew’s hands on his waist felt like fire. He sighed against Andrew’s lips and relished in the way his hands tightened on him, giving away that his carefully held control was slipping.

Neil let go of the tension from earlier and let himself be pulled in by the heat of Andrew’s mouth and the feel of his tongue parting Neil’s lips. He didn’t feel like a freak. He felt beautiful.


	12. Andreil- Developments

It was day 27 of Neil’s second year and he was beginning to think he hadn’t fully thought through what moving in with Andrew and Kevin meant. Specifically, he hadn’t thought enough about the “living with Kevin” part.

For example, today. Neil forgot one of his textbooks and had to make the long trek back to the room, only to open the door and find Kevin standing in the kitchen, looking shockingly relaxed for having just been walked in on a state of complete undress. 

“And you’re naked. Okay,” Neil muttered under his breath. 

“Don’t you have class?” Kevin yelled after him, still looking irritatingly nonplussed.

“Yeah. I just, uh, forgot my book.”

Kevin nodded and turned back to his food, so Neil was able to sneak out and make his way to class. 

Later that night on the roof with Andrew, Neil finally broached the topic. “So, does Kevin, like, always hang out naked in the dorm?”

Andrew shrugged. “Pretty much, yeah.”

“And everyone’s okay with it?”

“I don’t care. He’s hot.”

Neil nodded, throat tightening. It wasn’t- he wasn’t jealous. He knew what Andrew thought when he looked at Kevin was just physical and he knew- at least he hoped- that what Andrew saw when he looked at Neil was more than that. But this was still new, to both of them, and Neil still felt like for every little bit of ground he gained, there was another obstacle in the way to make him lose his footing.

“I guess,” Neil answered finally. 

“You guess?” Andrew asked, but he seemed more curious than disbelieving.

Neil shrugged. “The only person I’ve thought about naked is...you.”

Neil figured it must have been the faint glow of the sunset that made color appear on Andrew’s cheeks. He didn’t dare allow himself more than that.

“So when you say you don’t swing, you really mean-”

“It’s you. Just you. I look at anyone else and it’s just- nothing. Physically. I don’t know how to explain it.”

Andrew was silent for a long moment and Neil worried that it was too much, that he had crossed a line they couldn’t come back from. Then, Andrew reached out and laid his hand on top of Neil’s. 

His lips twitched into a smile. “So am I hotter than Kevin?”

Andrew considered for a second. “It’s more a matter of whose mouth is less irritating.”

“How did I end up winning that fight?”

Andrew tilted his head to the side in mock thoughtfulness. “You talk about Exy two percent less than him.”

Neil grinned and leaned in to kiss him. When they pulled away, Andrew said, “And your mouth is good for some other things.”

Neil smiled and let himself be pulled in again.

That night, as he got ready for bed, the implications of their conversation hit him. He had just admitted that he wanted to see Andrew naked. And Andrew hadn’t shot him down.

Neil smiled to himself. That was a conversation for another day.


	13. Jerejean- Birthday

Among the list of unexpected things Jean had to learn with the Trojans, gift giving was a particularly strange custom to get used to. He knew if he told the team that he hadn’t received a birthday present in eleven years that they would either get immensely sad or worse, try to throw him a party, though, and that was the last thing he wanted, so he kept his own date to himself.

In all honesty, he barely remembered what his birthday was. The stats books said March 3, but they also said Riko was better than Kevin and everyone knew that was a lie. His best guess was that his real birthday was sometime in July. He thinks.

Jeremy, however, loved his birthday. He was never obnoxious about it, but you could just tell from the way his eyes lit up when he mentioned it. So, naturally, as Jeremy’s former roommate and best friend, he knew it would be beyond rude from him to not get Jeremy something. Obviously that was the extent of his reasoning. It wasn’t like Jean wanted to make Jeremy smile, or that the idea of Jeremy looking at him like he had done something good made Jean’s heart flip. Certainly not.

Since Jean had no idea where to start looking, he stamped down on the pesky fluttering feelings in his chest and decided to call Renee. She seemed like the eype to give good gift advice and wasn’t close enough to Jeremy to give away the surprise.

After he explained the situation, there was a silence as she thought. Finally, she said, “I imagine Jeremy as the kind of person to like surprises and thoughtful gifts. Has he mentioned wanting anything offhand?”

“I’ll-that gives me an idea. Thank you Renee.”

Jean remembered a week ago, visiting Jeremy at his apartment.

“I’m sorry it isn’t very homey…” Jeremy had said apologetically. “I just...haven’t really had time to furnish it properly.”

Jean hadn’t noticed anything off, but he hated seeing the disappointed look in Jeremy’s eyes. “I think it’s fine, Jere.”

Jeremy smiled weakly. “I guess. But look at that corner! I have nothing for that corner. All it’s going to be good for is collecting dust!”

Jean hadn’t known what to make of it then, but now he knew exactly what to do.

\--

On the day of Jeremy’s birthday, Jean convinced Laila and Alvarez to take Jeremy out for lunch while he set everything up. In the once bare corner of the apartment, there were now two bookshelves filled with Jeremy’s books and some of Jean’s, plus a few new ones for them both to discover. There was also a coffee table, and two new chairs. Jean had painted the shelves white, with the appearance of ivy running down them.

He sighed, examining his handiwork. Now, the only thing left to be seen was whether Jeremy liked it.

He didn’t have to wait long, as Jeremy arrived home within the hour. He opened the door, ready to share the afternoon’s exploits, but the words died on his lips when he saw his gift.

“Jean-I-did you-you didn’t have to get me all this, oh my God…”

Jeremy was trailing his hands over the shelves in wonder, but Jean still felt nerves wrap around his heart like tendrils of the ivy. “You don’t like it?” he asked softly.

Jeremy’s eyes widened. “No-no, Jean, that’s not it at all! I love it- I just- I can’t believe you went to all this trouble for me.”

Jean allowed himself a small smile. “If you haven’t noticed, there are two chairs. I guess that mean I went to the trouble for both of us?”

Jeremy looked ready to burst from happiness, but still hesitated to make sure he didn’t surprise Jean before hugging him. Jean held him as long as he could, surprised as always at how right Jeremy felt in his arms.

They spent the afternoon reading together in their new nook, and when their fingers brushed reaching for their drinks, Jeremy’s blush was thanks enough for Jean.


	14. Jerejean- Protection

All summer long Jean had felt as though he was living in a haze, somewhere not quite a dream but not a nightmare either. Whatever it was, he was convinced that any minute, he would wake up and be back at the Nest and while things would be bad, they would at least make sense. Even after three months, he could not make sense of the USC Trojans.

Training with them was like stepping into an alternate universe, where Exy meant something other than pain, and where teammates picked you up when you fell instead of kicking you and telling you to get up. It was all very strange.

Jean was abruptly thrown into the reality of his situation, however, when he learned that he would have to give his first interview as a Trojan soon. The team sent Jeremy as the messenger, probably because they assumed that if Jean reacted badly, Jeremy would be the least likely to get punched. Jean didn’t have the energy to assure them he didn’t have the willpower to hurt any of them. If they wanted to see him as dangerous, it worked out all the better for him when they left him alone.

Jean looked up and Jeremy was still talking. “I’ll be there the whole time, and if you want to stop the interview at any point, just signal to me and I’ll call it off. We just can’t hide you forever. The season’s starting soon and they want proof that you’re ready.”

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Jean mumbled, trying to sound more angry than petulant. He didn’t think he succeeded.

Jeremy clearly still didn’t know what to make of Jean, because he approached him the way you would an animal you didn’t want to spook. “I know you don’t. I just want you to be comfortable. Whatever you need.”

In the end, Jean consented to Jeremy being there. He had been told asking for help was a sign of recovery, not weakness, but he couldn’t help the pit in his stomach.

\--

He arrived at the interview dressed in a suit for the first time since Riko’s funeral. He didn’t feel right in his own skin and the flash of the cameras made him feel sick to his stomach. He had dealt with the press before, obviously, but he had usually been shoved to the background, less interesting than Riko or Kevin. A shadow.

Now, all eyes were on him. He felt Jeremy’s hand on his arm and looked down, trying to draw strength from the other man nodding at him in encouragement. He took a deep breath and walked up to the podium.

The questions started the way Jean expected them to, asking about his recovery and expressing their joy at his return to the court. ‘How lovely for them,’ Jean thought to himself.

He was almost done when one reporter asked, “Is there anything you want to say to the Ravens’ fans who may feel hurt or betrayed by you leaving the team that essentially made you?”

Jean didn’t know how to respond to that. In truth, he had nothing to say to the fans that stood around and watched, uncaring of how their favorite players were treated as long as they won. Not trusting himself to speak, he turned to Jeremy, only to find he had already hopped up to take the mic.

“Sorry to intrude, but I can’t really stand around and not respond to that borderline insulting question. Jean is a Trojan now, and with all due respect, he made himself. The Ravens were lucky to have him for as long as they did, but he’s part of our team. We wanted him for his performance, not his name, and we’re lucky to be able to work with him as well. If anything, I would say Jean is here in spite of his time with the Ravens.”

Jeremy didn’t respond to any of the follow up questions and Jean headed after him, whirling to face him once they were out of sight of the cameras.

Jeremy was beaming from ear to ear. “Is that what Josten feels like when he tells off the press? What a rush!”

Jean glowered at him. “You are going to get yourself killed.”

Jeremy sighed and looked at him seriously. “I meant what I said. You’re one of us now. Which means no one gets to talk crap about you. Okay?”

“You are crazy.”

Jeremy grinned. “I’ve been told.”

Jean shook his head and tried to keep up with Jeremy. Jean had been been wrong. He couldn’t have made Jeremy Knox up if he tried.


	15. Jerejean- First Kiss

Jeremy was all for taking it slow, but he was pretty sure that the mental energy of trying to figure out whether Jean had feelings for him was going to send him into cardiac arrest. That was one thing no one told you about liking someone: pining was exhausting. 

He needed a nap. Would Jean like napping with him?

Jeremy shook his head. Good lord, he needed to get a grip. Jean didn’t need all this pressure from him and if he did like Jeremy, he would have to realize it at his own pace. So Jeremy shoved down the fluttering feelings in his chest and went about his day.

All sighing, pining feelings aside, Jean was his best friend and hanging out with him was easy in a way being with people usually wasn’t for Jeremy. Despite his sunny, extroverted appearance, Jeremy usually had to work so hard to be what people expected him to be, but Jean didn’t ever ask for more than he could give.

Like right now. They had just finished eating lunch and were hanging around the counter after taking care of the dishes together. Jeremy noted Jean’s casual posture as he leaned against the fridge, half smiling as Jeremy mentioned meeting up with Sara and Laila that weekend and- holy shit was-was Jean looking at his lips?

Jeremy tried convincing himself it was nothing, but Jean’s gaze didn’t waver and now his hand was nearing Jeremy’s face, so gentle, so he didn’t think, just rose up on his toes to catch Jean’s lips in a sweet first kiss.

At least, it was sweet until Jeremy realized that Jean was not reacting. He pulled away and watched as Jean brought his fingers up to touch his lips. 

“I...you had a crumb on the corner of your mouth.”

Jeremy wanted to die. He wanted to crawl into his bed, bury his face in the covers and never come out. He felt his cheeks burn with shame and started rambling. 

“I-oh my God-I am SO sorry-I just thought-oh my God, I never should have put that on you, I just got caught up-”

Jean’s small smile came back and he cut Jeremy off by saying, “I’m not complaining.”

Jeremy’s mouth snapped shut almost comically quickly. Finally, he managed to squeak out, “Really?”

Jean chuckled and reached out again, this time actually cupping Jeremy’s cheek. “Would you like me to kiss you?”

Jeremy was ninety percent sure he was going to faint, but he nodded and leaned up to meet Jean’s lips. This time, Jean definitely kissed back and Jean…

Jean was a very good kisser.

He felt Jean’s tongue tap at his lips and opened his mouth to let him in, cheeks burning even more as he let out an involuntary little moan. Jean chuckled against him lips before pulling away.

“A much better first kiss?”

Jeremy nodded a little breathlessly. “I-yeah. Very-very good.”

Jean chuckled again and mumbled something under his breath in French. Jeremy couldn’t let Jean get away with being so charming, so he rose up to kiss Jean’s cheek and watched him blush. Jeremy had the feeling this was the beginning of something good.


	16. Jean- Gossip

If Jean has to hear one more word about Kevin Day, he’s going to fling himself out a window. Or maybe, as a less drastic measure, he would just hop on the nearest plane to South Carolina and let Kevin know exactly how irritating every insipid question he’s ever been asked to answer about him is. Then, he would fly back to California and maybe that would appease the rage that emerged in his head whenever he thought of Kevin.

Jean remembers the drive from the Nest to pick up Neil at the airport and the strangeness of it, of being alone with his thoughts. He wonders how Kevin has dealt with it.

He knows deep down he probably hasn’t.

In terms of being alone, being with the Trojans isn’t all that different than the Nest. At first, he doesn’t know if it’s only because of what Kevin told Jeremy, but as the season wears on, it seems as though the Trojans really are just a big, dysfunctional family that is constantly in each other’s business.

Which leads to his current predicament. One of the team’s strikers, Lindsey, walks (a loose term: Jean is convinced all the Trojans simply bounce from place to place) up to him and asks, “Is Kevin single?”

Jean looks at her for a moment, unblinking, hoping she’ll take it as a cue to walk away. She doesn’t.

Finally, he says, “Do I look like I care about Kevin Day gossip?”

Her face falters for a moment, but she rebounds and says, “I just thought you would know. You know, because you’re friends and all.”

“Friends,” Jean says, chewing the word like taffy.

“Yeah!” she goes on, oblivious. “You grew up together, right?”

Jean doesn’t know how to respond to that, so he refuses to deal with it at all and answers, “To be honest, I don’t know if Kevin can care about anyone but himself enough for a typical relationship.”

He knows it isn’t fair to say, that Kevin, in his own way, cares deeply about Thea. But after everything, he can’t bring himself to care about whether he’s being fair.

Lindsey nods awkwardly and leaves Jean to his thoughts. Jean isn’t sure whether the feeling in his chest is relief.

\--

Jean returns to his room to find Jeremy on his bed, reading a book. He smiles in greeting, but before he can say anything, Jean says, “Tell your team-”

“Our team,” Jeremy reminds him without looking up.

Jean sighs. “Our team that I am not a walking Kevin Day encyclopedia and I would appreciate not being treated as such.”

Jeremy closes his book and sits up. “They’re just curious. I’m sure if you just ride it out for a few weeks they’ll lose interest and-”

Jean glares him into silence. He feels a little bad for the way Jeremy stands down, but it’s better to be seen as intimidating than weak. Better he thinks Jean’s just annoyed at talking about Kevin instead of knowing how Jean feels stripped raw whenever he’s brought up. “I am not interested in riding it out. I want it to stop.”

After a moment of silence, Jeremy nods and the congenial smile is back. “Of course. Whatever makes you comfortable.”

Jean nods and sits on his bed. “Thank you.”

Jeremy looks at him like he’s on the edge of saying something else, but apparently thinks better of it and just says, “No problem.”

It takes until that night for Jean to realize it’s one of the first times he’s asked for something and actually gotten it.


	17. Jean- Condolences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for talk of abuse. Nothing worse than canon, but Jean's brain is not a fun place at this point.

California was...strange. He knew that it would be, ever since his first meeting with Jeremy Knox and Coach Rhemann. He’d met them both before, but he’d assumed that the sunny disposition had been an act, a strategy. 

And part of it was, of course. For a moment, though, it was as if they saw Jean as more than just a tool, though he knew underneath it all that they were just thrilled to get their hands on him, to have the best backliner in the game playing for them. He wished they would be honest about it and get it over with. It would be less confusing and wouldn’t waste either of their time any further.

Now that he was mostly healed, he had been met at LAX by Jeremy and was now faced with perhaps the most awkward car ride of his life. It was only half an hour, but he knew Jeremy was the type to need to fill the space with chatter.

Sure enough, after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, Jeremy’s hands started to twitch on the steering wheel. With a sigh, Jean says, “Say what you want to say, or don’t. I don’t want to get in a crash before we’ve even made it to the court because you’re afraid of being rude.”

Jeremy laughs nervously, as if Jean was joking, but he knows he was not. Jeremy’s car is a death trap, at least fifteen years old. He is surprised it made it to LAX.

Finally, Jeremy says, “I’m-I’m sorry about Riko. I mean, even if you weren’t close, he was still-”

“Stop talking,” Jean says. He feels a little bad about the way Jeremy’s mouth snaps shut. He feels worse about the implications of the fact that he had just talked back to his captain.

“I am sorry,” he backpedals, trying to stave off whatever ire he’s sure he’s invoked. He doesn’t know what Jeremy is like when angry, but he’s not eager to find out. Jeremy may be all smiles, but Riko was at his worst when he was smiling.

“Riko is-I would prefer not to talk about him.”

Surprisingly, Jeremy looks immediately apologetic and says, “I’m so sorry. I just thought-”

“I am not Kevin.”

Jeremy nods. They don’t speak the rest of the ride.

\--

He manages to settle into his room that weekend without too much fuss. After that initial talk, Jeremy can apparently sense that introducing him to the rest of the team wouldn’t be a great idea, so he gives Jean plenty of space. He’s never too far away though, which Jean is stupidly grateful for.

By the end of the weekend, though, he finds his hands are itching for a racquet. He doesn’t miss playing; in truth, he would prefer it if he never had to play again, but he knows that’s a dream too wild to even consider. So on Monday, he picks himself up and makes his way to the court.

He’s disturbed by how much of the morning’s practice is spent recounting how everyone’s short breaks were and introducing people. Jean couldn’t care less what any of these people’s names are, but he knows he has to play nice.

They take a break, which baffles Jean considering they haven’t even played yet, but as he’s examining the strings on his racquet, a group of backliners comes up to him. When it becomes clear he isn’t going to greet him, one of them finally says, “We just wanted to, uh, express our condolences about Riko and everything. But we’re glad to have you.”

Jean swears under his breath before saying, “I am not sorry. I am glad he’s dead. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am going to practice rather than standing around gossiping.”

He ignores them gaping after him and takes his place on the court. Strange indeed.


	18. Trojans- Self Defense

Jean wanted to state for the record how stupid he thought this entire endeavor was. As some kind of alternative fitness/community awareness day, Coach Rhemann had signed the team up for a self-defense class. Jean knew immediately he wasn’t going.

When Jean insisted he would rather just go to the gym, however, Jeremy pressed, “It’s not just about fitness, Jean! It’s about community awareness. And publicity. It’s domestic violence awareness month and-”

Jean walked away halfway through his speech.

Jeremy let it go for that day, but as the date of the actual event drew closer, he tried to sell the idea to him again, this time with a different tactic. “Jean...I understand that community building isn’t really your thing, but this cause means a lot to the team and I kind of thought it would be important to you. It would mean a lot if you participated.”

Jean’s mouth twisted unhappily. “You think all of this happened to me because I don’t know how to defend myself?”

Jeremy paled. “No! No, that’s not what I meant at all.”

Jean’s nostrils flared. “I’ll walk you through the class. They’re going to tell you to incapacitate your attacker at the knees, or kick them in the groin, or shove your hand up toward their nose. And they’re right. Sometimes those things do work. But I also know that cruel people are smart. They know these tricks. So they only work if the fight is fair. And you can’t assume that.”

Jeremy swallowed hard. “Jean, I didn’t mean to offend you-”

“Are you ordering me as my captain to go?”

“No. I’ve always said that you have a choice and I meant it.”

Jean grabbed his bag and left the room to clear his head.

\--

When he returned to the room later that night, Jeremy was sitting on his bed, trying to look like he hadn’t been waiting anxiously to ensure Jean returned safely. The concern was unfamiliar, but Jean softened nonetheless. The Trojans weren’t perfect, but they tried, and that effort was more courtesy than Jean had been shown in his life.

“Listen, Jean-” Jeremy started, playing with his hands nervously. “About earlier...I wasn’t thinking. I never wanted to put you in a situation where you would have to relive something traumatic. And I just want you to know that even though I’m captain, it’s still always going to be a fair fight between us. I’m never going to pull rank on you off the court. I hope I can earn your trust on that.”

“Thank you,” Jean said slowly, taking the whole sentiment in. “And I am sorry for...being so harsh with you. The activity just did not have good associations for me.”

Jeremy smiled a little. “You’re not nearly as harsh as you were a few months ago. And it’s nothing I can’t take. I didn’t get captain by not being stubborn.”

Jean chuckled a bit at that. Jeremy was certainly strong-willed.

“Still,” Jeremy continued, “the team really does just want to be friends with you. We’d love to see you at other things. Like...maybe movie night on Friday?”

Jean hesitated. He was afraid of being mocked for not knowing the references, of being overwhelmed by so many people. Still, he knew he owed it to himself to take this small step.

“Alright. Movie night.”

He allowed himself the indulgence of thinking of Jeremy’s beaming smile as he fell asleep.


	19. Katelyn/Aaron- Study Date

They had been in the library for nearly two hours and Katelyn was starting to get a massive crick in her neck from staring down at her textbook. She reached up to rub at it, hoping Aaron would notice and help her out. Unfortunately, he remained entirely transfixed by his own book.

She chuckled a little at the sight of him, so concentrated that his tongue stuck out a little bit. He reminded her of the funny videos she saw of cats sometimes. Knowing he would stay there all night if left unchecked, she reached out and poked his nose. “You’re cute.”

He went immediately red as his head snapped up to meet her gaze, before looking back down again. “K, I have to study. The MCAT is in a few weeks and I can’t afford to…”

She stood up and closed his book before wrapping her arms around his shoulders and kissing his cheek. “Baby, I also know that breaks are good for the brain and for retention of information. You can’t fool another doctor.”

Aaron bit his lip. “I won’t be a doctor if I don’t do well on this test…”

“Aaron, you always say you’re going to do badly on tests and then you end up setting the curve. You’re going to do fine.”

“You’re right,” he said, but he didn’t sound entirely convinced.

Katelyn took his hand and brought it up to her lips. She was always amazed at how his hands were like ice. “At least come get a cup of coffee with me? To warm you up?”

It took a moment, but he couldn’t resist Katelyn’s trademark puppy eyes and let her pull him to his feet. She rewarded him by bending down to kiss him, which made him scowl and blush in turn. They held hands on the way down to the coffee shop, Katelyn trying diligently to warm up the icicles he called fingers. She worried about his circulation sometimes.

“What do you want?” she asked, squeezing his hand.

“Uh...black coffee is fine.”

She scrunched up her nose. “Really?”

“What are you getting?” he asked, deflecting.

“Pumpkin Spice Latte.” He huffed a laugh, but she insisted, “They’re good!” She read his face and asked, “Are you sure you don’t want one? They’re goooooood.”

He hesitated, but eventually answered, “Uh...yeah...I’ll try it.”

She smiled to herself. Getting Aaron to admit when he wanted things was a bit of a battle, but after all these years, he was starting to get there. They got their drinks and sat down at a table, Katelyn popping the lid off of hers to help cool it off. She saw him smiling a little, so she dipped her finger in the whipped cream and dabbed a little on his cheek.

He looked surprised for a second before his lips curled into a smile. It was a smile full of love, only for her, and she was so glad she was able to see it. She didn’t even mind getting whipped cream in her hair for it.


	20. Andreil- Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An AU where your soulmate's eye color matches your hair color.

For as long as he can remember, people have never wanted to look Andrew in the eyes. Some people’s eyes don’t ever change, other than the natural shifting of childhood, but Andrew’s have been through quite a colorful journey.

Andrew was born with the colorless eyes of those whose soulmate hasn’t been born yet. It’s fairly commonplace, but with his light coloring, some foster families say the blankness is unsettling. He’s a little over a year old when his eyes change to an auburn color. The fiery color is rare, but not unheard of and shouldn’t have been outside of any family’s expectation. But again, combined with Andrew’s serious face, even as a child, few people wanted to look. Which was fine with Andrew. He was safest when he was invisible.

He’s eleven when his eyes begin rapidly changing, first brown, then gold, then black-all manner of colors. It’s strange, but for nine years, he’s free of the red that reminds him how utterly visible his soulmate must be. He’d much rather have the luxury of pretending his soulmate could be anyone. It made it easier to ignore.

He’s had nine blissful years of thinking very little of his soulmate. He’s with the Foxes and he’s not happy, but he’s in a better place than he’s been in his life. Until Neil Josten and his lies and his questions and the way he can play Andrew like a fiddle. And then Thanksgiving happens and he’s definitely not thinking about soulmates.

He gets out of the “hospital” and he wants to tell himself that Neil’s new hair color is the last thing he notices, but he’s always been stupidly aware of Neil, so it’s one of the first.

When he gets back to the dorm, he looks at himself in the mirror for the first time in two months and he wants to put his fist through the glass when he sees those auburn eyes staring back at him.

\--

Neil is somewhat thankful that his soulmate’s hair is light, because it makes covering up the color with contacts easier. The best option of course would be if he didn’t have a soulmate at all, but since he did, at least they were consistent. And it keeps him from looking exactly like his father, so there’s another benefit. Sometimes he feels bad for how strange his soulmate must think he is, but it’s not like they’ll ever meet, so Neil doesn’t think about it.

By the time he gets to the Foxes, he hasn’t thought about his soulmate for a long time. Until Nicky tells him that Andrew’s figured it out about the contacts. He lets Andrew hold his chin and inspect his eyes and thinks he sees a flicker of interest, but quickly dismisses the thought. Neil knows he will be dead soon and things like soulmates don’t matter when you’re not a real person. 

He does note that Andrew’s eyes are not colorless. He wonders what person out there is made for Andrew.

\--

They’ve been...whatever they are to each other for over a year now, but the fact that their eye colors link up has gone unspoken for that time. Neil knows it can’t have escaped Andrew’s notice, but he also knows that bringing it up could stop their progress in its track. He never wants to force Andrew into something, destiny or not.

They’re on the rooftop one night though and Andrew is holding his face with no apparent desire to kiss him or do anything but look and Neil says, “Are you thinking about my eyes?”

“Yes,” Andrew says because they’ve been through too much to lie to each other.

“So you know.”

Andrew rolls his eyes. “Of course I know.”

When it doesn’t look like Andrew’s going to leave or deflect, Neil smirks and asks, “Do you want a different color? We can go get some hair dye.”

Andrew considers that. He’s always had an uneasy relationship with his eyes. But he also knows that his having auburn eyes makes the color mean something to Neil other than his father, so he answers, “No. I think I’ll keep these for a while.”

Neil lets himself be pushed down onto the concrete, smiling the whole way.


	21. Jerejean and Renison- Manual

To be fair, Jean thinks to himself, Jeremy’s car should not run at all. It’s incredibly old and Jean doesn’t like how many lights turn on when the car does and he likes even less the ease with which Jeremy ignores said lights. However, because he knows the car has sentimental value to Jeremy, he teases him only lightly and schools his face so as not to betray the complete terror he feels riding in it.

That said, he does feel a little sad when it finally goes, if only because Jeremy is in complete denial about what’s occurring.

They were about to leave to pick up Renee and Allison from the airport, since they were visiting for a few days, but when Jeremy put the key in the ignition, they weren’t met with the typical dinging noise, but instead with a loud splutter.

Jeremy’s face fell. “Oh no...come on baby…” He tried to start it again, but to no avail.

Jean didn’t want to break the silence of Jeremy’s mourning, but said, “Should I text Renee and tell her to catch a cab?”

Jeremy waved his hand at that suggestion. “Let me look at it first.”

Jean raised a skeptical eyebrow at that, knowing Jeremy was by no means a car expert, but he didn’t argue. They stepped out of the car and Jean watched as Jeremy popped the hood, emitting a billow of smoke. Jeremy coughed a few times before going back in to start looking at the engine.

“Um...Jere?” Jean asked. “Shouldn’t we wait for a mechanic or something?”

“I’m not touching anything, I’m just trying to see what’s wrong.”

Jean knew he wasn’t going to stop Jeremy once he put his mind to something, but he watched from a safe distance to make sure Jeremy didn’t hurt himself. After a few minutes, Jeremy emerged, looking forlorn.

“We should’ve checked the manual.”

Jean pulled him into his arms and kissed his forehead. “I don’t think there’s anything we can do, baby. I think she’s gone.”

Jeremy made a noise of mourning against Jean’s chest and, knowing how much Jeremy loved that car, Jean refrains from voicing his inner excitement at the thought of not having to ride in it anymore.

After a few minutes, he pulls away to call Renee and let her know the situation. They arrive a bit later and Allison whistles lowly at the the damage. “Yeah...I think she’s pretty dead.”

Renee laid a hand on Jeremy’s arm as she passed, while Allison made herself comfortable on the back of the car. “So now that you’re a big shot pro player, are you excited to get a real car?”

“I don’t know…” Jeremy answered, “I still feel like I want something modest. I was thinking of another used car…”

Jean must have not hidden his feelings on the matter well because Allison burst out laughing.”You might want to consult with your counterpart on that- Jean looks a little constipated.”

Jean shrugged weakly. “Nothing flashy...I just think we can afford a bit of an upgrade.”

Thankfully, Jeremy didn’t look offended and leaned against Jean, saying, “Aww...are you saying you were scared of my car?”

Jean nodded seriously. “Your car was terrifying.”

Jeremy laughed and leaned in to kiss him. They spent the evening debating possible car options and while it wasn’t how he expected to spend his evening, he was with his Jeremy and his friends and he was happy.


	22. Jerejean- Comfort

Jeremy was having a rotten day. His shower that morning had been cold, he got checked at practice first thing, leaving his hip stiff for the rest of the day. The lunch place he went to got his order wrong and honestly, he just wanted to go home, put his pajamas on and not think for the remainder of the evening. Hopefully Jean would be cool with takeout because he wanted something fried and he wanted it now.

As he walked in the door, he hadn’t even said hello to Jean yet when his foot collided with the end table next to it. He knew it was dramatic, but he needed a minute to just revel in how much his day had sucked, so he slid down against the door and leaned his head back against it.

Jean came over and sat in front of him, putting Jeremy’s foot in his lap. “You stubbed your toe. You’re not dying. What’s really the matter?”

Jeremy sighed and looked up at him. “It’s been a rough day.”

Jean moved over to Jeremy’s side and let him rest his head on his shoulder. “Do you want to stay here or do you want to move to the couch?”

“Let’s just stay here for a little bit.”

Jean nodded and started threading his fingers through Jeremy’s hair, knowing it calmed him down like nothing else. It felt so peaceful, Jeremy didn’t even notice himself falling asleep.

\--

Jeremy woke on the couch, covered in a blanket and feeling significantly better than he had a few hours earlier. The only thing missing was that Jean was not there cuddling him. 

He looked around for a minute before finding Jean leaning against the kitchen counter, scrolling through his phone. Jeremy put on what he thought was his most irresistible pout. “Why are you all the way over there?”

Jean smiled softly and Jeremy was not yet awake enough to deal with that. “I wanted to let you sleep, mon soleil.”

Jeremy sat up and yawned, running a hand through his hair. “I still could’ve slept with you here...what time is it?”

“It’s five. I already called for takeout.”

Jeremy’s heart swelled. “You’re perfect.”

Jean chuckled and came to sit down next to Jeremy. “I don’t think calling for Chinese food makes me perfect, my love.”

Jeremy hummed and leaned against him. “I’m pretty sure it does, actually.”

Jean rolled his eyes fondly and kissed Jeremy’s forehead. “Are you feeling better?”

Jeremy nodded. “You always make me feel better.”

Jean kissed him to stop the flow of sappiness coming from Jeremy and smiled into it when he felt more than heard Jeremy make a pleased noise against his mouth. They kissed softly until their food arrived, forcing them to pull away. They watched a movie while they ate and Jean scrunched his nose up at how Jeremy talked with his mouth full because he had a lot of thoughts about the movie, but it was a nice end to what had otherwise been a rough day.


	23. Lailvarez- Soothing

Laila knew that taking this lecture wasn’t worth it. It was only once a week, but it lasted four hours and by the end of class, her brain was jelly and all she wanted was a glass of wine, ice cream, and sleep. Preferably with Sara. However, she also knew her girlfriend well enough to know that she was a night person and that as the week drew to a close, ten at night was when Sara was just getting started.

So when she walked into her dorm room and was greeted with, “THE FLOOR IS LAVA! I WILL SAVE YOU!”, she was exasperated, but not surprised. She let Sara scoop her off her feet though, happy to not have to walk for a while. 

She buried her face in Sara’s collarbone and said, “My hero. Scalding your feet for me.”

Sara kissed her forehead. “Course, babe. You’re worth the third degree burns.”

She deposited Laila on the kitchen table before hopping quickly onto the counter. Jeremy was on the other counter, while Jean was on the couch with his legs crossed off the floor, looking horribly confused. She smiled at him and said, “I’m worried they’re not drunk.”

Jean shook his head to confirm her fears.

“Jean had never played before!” Jeremy protested from his corner.

Jean’s facial expression didn’t change as he said, “I didn’t ask to learn...I think I’m more confused.”

Jeremy and Sara pouted at his admission, but Laila piped up and said, “Well, as much as I love a good game, I’m tired and the only thing I’m interested in right now is a foot rub and sleep. So let’s wind it down, shall we?”

Jeremy crawled down from his perch and stretched. “We’ll get out of your hair. Team gym starts at six tomorrow!”

Laila groaned. “You are a cold and capricious god, Jeremy Knox.”

He grinned. “Someone’s gotta do it.”

As soon as they left, Laila flopped onto the couch and put her feet in Sara’s lap, who immediately started massaging them. “You’re an angel…” Laila said, leaning her head back against the arm of the couch.

“Anything for my queen,” Sara answered.

Laila blushed and threw an arm over her eyes. Three years together and Sara still made her feel like this, like her insides were made of bubbles.

“Hey,” Sara said softly, “Don’t hide your pretty face from me.”

They leaned in to kiss and Laila hummed as they pulled away. “Careful. If someone walked in and saw this, you’d lose your status as team bitch.”

Sara smirked. “What they don’t know won’t hurt them. Besides, you’re more important than my reputation.”

They kissed again, longer this time and Laila felt a little dizzy with it when they separated. Sara shrugged. “I can’t compete with Jean’s snarking anyway. I think he actually made a freshman piss himself earlier this week.”

Laila laughed and adjusted herself so her head was in Sara’s lap. This was just what she needed at the end of the day.


	24. Andreil- Sick Cuddles

Neil and Andrew were never really ones for public displays of affection. Their relationship was for their eyes only and they didn’t need anyone else’s approval, nor did they want to hear their team’s cooing over their so-called progress, as though being together meant they were somehow healed and that the personal growing they had done on their own meant nothing. So they mostly kept their affection quiet in front of the team, in shows of protection and checking each other over on the court.

All bets were off, however, when Neil was sick. Because he was a stubborn jackass, even when he woke up with a fever and chills, he still ran to the court for early morning practice before Andrew could realize and stop him. He sent Andrew an “I’m just at the court” text so he wouldn’t worry when he woke up, so Andrew thought nothing of it and went back to sleep.

When he arrived for team practice though, he could tell something was wrong, even if Neil wouldn’t admit it. His face was flushed, moreso than could be from just running, and his eyes looked a little out of focus. 

Andrew walked up to Neil and grabbed onto him, feeling him sway under his touch. “What the hell are you doing here, junkie?”

Neil leaned into the touch with a cat-like nuzzle. “I just have a cold...I can still play.”

“You have a fever.” He guided Neil over to the couch and let Neil curl in beside him closer than usual, with his head on Andrew’s shoulder.

“You’re warm,” Neil said, as Andrew wrapped his arms around him to quell his shivering.

Kevin scowled as he walked in the room. “Neil, you know better than to play when you’re sick. If you get dehydrated-”

“Leave him alone,” Andrew said fiercely. “He’s not playing. I’m taking him back to the room.”

“After the team meeting,” Neil protested.

“Shut up,” Andrew answered, brushing his hair off his forehead. “I’m not seeing you carted off in an ambulance because you passed out.”

“Andrewwww,” Neil said, a slight whine to his voice.

Andrew drew him in closer and implored Coach Wymack to make the day’s meeting short, unless he wanted to find himself another striker. The second Wymack was finished speaking, Andrew stood with Neil in his arms and carried him to the car. He drove faster than was customary, even for him, but they made it to Fox Tower in one piece.

He immediately ordered Neil into bed and forced him to choke down some medicine. “If I see you standing for any reason other than peeing, I’ll kill you.”

Neil just gave him a dopey grin. It was infuriating how little was required to make Neil look at him like that. Cough medicine shouldn’t elicit the reaction it did from Neil, but as it was, Andrew had to kiss Neil to swallow the “I love you” he worried was about to come out of Neil’s mouth.

Neil protested half-heartedly about not wanting Andrew to get sick, but Neil was evidence of how bad Andrew was at looking out for his own well-being.


	25. Andreil- Interrupted

In the months since his ‘nothing’ with Andrew started, Neil found that kissing him was just as exciting as it had been the first time. Andrew was good at kissing and he seemed to love drawing moans and whimpers and whatever noises he could out of Neil.

Neil smirked into the kiss, thinking about Andrew enjoying this as much as he did. The feeling of Neil’s lips quirking made Andrew pull back to look at him, eyes drawn to Neil’s mouth.

“Amused?” he asked.

“I was thinking of all your comments about hating my mouth. Ironic.”

Andrew hummed. “It’s good for something. Don’t get cocky.”

Instead of returning directly to their previous activity, Andrew’s hand wandered down to hover at the hem of Neil’s shirt. “Yes or no?”

Neil felt his stomach leap a little, but decided the butterflies he was feeling were excited nerves. Andrew had seen his scars, had felt every one intimately. He wasn’t afraid of being seen by Andrew.

“Yes,” he breathed and helped Andrew remove his shirt. It made for a clumsy removal, too many hands, but Neil didn’t want to tear his hands away from Andrew’s. He wanted to relish every point of contact he was allowed.

Once his shirt was off, Andrew looked like he was taking in every inch of skin, though Neil knew he already had Neil’s torso catalogued in his memory. He nodded as Andrew leaned forward to press his lips to Neil’s collarbone, right by the puckered gunshot wound. Neil sighed, tipping his head back at the feeling of his lips ghosting over his skin.

Andrew was making his way down Neil’s chest when the door opened. Before Neil could react, Andrew was moving to shield him from sight. Neil looked up to find Nicky standing there wide-eyed.

“Holy shit, Neil-”

“Leave,” Andrew growled. Nicky left, hands up in surrender, muttering about it not being his fault if they couldn’t lock a door. As soon as he was out of the room, Andrew moved back against the headrest, not touching Neil at all.

Going from an onslaught of feeling to nothing left Neil feeling vulnerable and he shivered as he pulled his shirt back on. He put his arms around himself, wanting to be small, invisible. “I”m sor-”

“Don’t. You didn’t do anything.”

Neil sighed, trying to remember what it felt like to have Andrew kiss his scars. It helped bring him back and remind him they were signs he had survived. They were what he had to endure to get Andrew, to get his family. He had said once they were worth it, and he wouldn’t take that back.

“I’m okay, Andrew. I’d like to keep my shirt on, but I’m not upset. You don’t need to worry about me.”

Andrew’s eyes flicked up to meet his. “Would it still have been a yes if you’d known the door wasn’t locked?”

Neil exhaled as he realized what Andrew was implying, what he was blaming himself for. “Andrew, don’t do that to yourself. If it bothered me, I would’ve checked. We both just got carried away and forgot.”

“I don’t- I can’t afford to be careless. Not with you.”

Neil felt his breath catch and smiled. “I think I’d like it if you were a little careless. Remember? I like it when you lose control.”

It was baiting, but it worked. Andrew’s eyebrow twitched upward slightly. “Is that a yes?”

Neil moved to his knees and crawled forward until he was a breath away from Andrew’s lips. “Always, remember?”


	26. Kandreil- Kids

Neil woke up feeling like he was being watched.

It was a feeling he didn’t think he’d ever be fully used to, lingering paranoia and all, but it didn’t make his stomach lurch with dread anymore, so that was something at least. He cracked an eye open and saw McKenna, their 7 year old daughter, standing there giggling and waiting patiently for him to wake up. She knew that Neil was the one to wake up in the morning.

He scrubbed at his face and sat up, being careful not to jostle Kevin too much. “Hey, princess. Ready for breakfast?”

She nodded and craned her neck to look at Kevin where he was strewn across the bed. “Papa looks dead.”

Neil snorted. “He’s fine. He’s just a drama queen.”

She laughed at that and Neil led her to the kitchen. “Now what do we do?” Neil asked.

She thought for a minute before saying, “Start coffee so it’ll wake up Andrew-Dad and he’ll make us pancakes.”

He ruffled her hair and started getting mugs and other coffee necessities out of the cupboards. He didn’t let her deal with anything hot, but he let her scoop the grounds into the filter.

He started the pot and sure enough, as he was pouring juice for McKenna, Andrew made his way into the kitchen like clockwork. Neil handed him a mug and Andrew kissed his cheek.

McKenna giggled at that and Andrew turned to her, raising an eyebrow. “Did your Dad forget to give you your coffee?”

She scrunched her nose up at that. “Coffee’s gross!”

“Hmm..then if it wasn’t for you, was the coffee a plot to get pancakes out of me?”

“Maybe…”

Andrew made a noise in the back of his throat and started getting pans out. “Maybe I should just make pancakes for us and not for Dad and Papa, huh, Kenna?”

“Yeah!” she laughed and Neil lets himself look wounded.

“Et tu, Brutus?”

Andrew rolled his eyes and said, “Go wake up the zombie. I need plates.”

Neil ushered McKenna out of the kitchen and to the door of their bedroom. “You know what to do.”

She nodded seriously and took a running leap at Kevin. “Papa, wake up!”

Kevin’s face as he sits up causes Neil to lean against the wall to stifle his laughter.

“Pancakes, Papa,” McKenna tries again insistently. Kevin blinks at her and she huffs in frustration. “And coffee.”

That gets Kevin’s brain moving. “Coffee...yeah.” He makes his way over to Neil and watches over his shoulder as McKenna makes her way back into the kitchen before leaning down to kiss Neil until he scrunches up his face.

“Morning breath. Go drink coffee.”

McKenna turns back to them impatiently and they head into the kitchen, grinning. Andrew immediately demands Kevin to get the plates down from the top shelf. The two of them have a different kind of intimacy, but they work so in sync that Kevin’s bringing the plates down right as Andrew lifting the pancake onto the plate.

Neil and McKenna set the table and they sit down and there’s a second where each of these four people look around and realize that this strange family is theirs. It’s not perfect, but it’s more than they ever imagined having. The magic only lasts until they’ve dug into their food, but with every Sunday breakfast, the weight on their chests lessens a little bit.

Kevin suggests going to the park to practice later, but Andrew replies, “We do not defile Sundays with Exy.”

They still end up going to the park until they have to leave to get to their monthly dinner with Wymack and Abby. It’s all strange and domestic, but they finally feel like it’s what they deserve.


	27. Jean- Face off

When Jeremy asked Jean what number he wanted to play as with the Trojans, he hadn’t immediately known what to say. Between leaving the Nest, healing, and figuring out his future (whatever that meant), jersey numbers were the farthest thing from his mind. To be honest, every early interaction with Jeremy was exhausting and he didn’t have enough strength to keep the derision out of his voice. 

Jeremy’s smile never faltered though, and he just told Jean to think about it and let him know. He was surprised that they hadn’t already had a number three jersey waiting for him, but he supposed they didn’t want to make it seem like they had a stolen a Raven any more than it already appeared they had. 

He considered his options and the numbers he kept coming back to were Renee’s nine and Kevin’s two. When he next saw Jeremy, he said quietly, “I think I’d like to be twenty-nine.”

\--

By the time they faced the Ravens in the semifinals, Jean had been with the Trojans for almost a year and while he wasn’t healed, not nearly, he wasn’t acting on self-preservation alone anymore. He wasn’t afraid of his old teammates. Riko was dead and none of the rest mattered.

Before they were called onto the field, he felt Jeremy squeeze his hand. “You ready?”

Jean looked around and saw his teammates’ faces, Sara’s thumbs up, and felt good. “I am.”

Jeremy’s answering smile was blinding and he turned to take his place at the front of the line.

Jean hears his name and number called and can practically feel the sneer he knows his old teammates are sporting. Because of his position, he isn’t close to any of them at first, but after he checks his first striker, they pop up with a furious glare.

“Number twenty-nine thinks he’s special, huh?”

“I was able to check you. Getting sloppy?”

The striker gets close enough to make Jean take a step back. “At least I’m still single digits. You’re nothing. They took you out of pity.”

A few months ago they would have gotten to him, but now his number gave him strength. He never understood Neil’s attachment to his ten until this moment. Jean rolled his eyes. “There is no inner circle without Riko. You’re rallying behind what, number five? Your pecking order is useless. You’re just angry because you’ve wasted five years and you know I still have a future.”

The striker takes a swing at him, but Jean dodges, using a move he learned from Jeremy. The striker ends up stumbling from the momentum and Jean sees his team whoop and holler down the field. He smiles cruelly. “Run along now.”

After the game, (which they win), he’s greeted by Sara clapping him on the shoulder. “I want to watch you own that striker every day for the rest of my life.”

He chuckles and pats her back, which earns him another grin. He looks at Jeremy and says, “Did I handle that the Trojan way?”

Jeremy shakes his head. “You handled it the Jean way.”

He smiles the entire ride home.


	28. Kandreil- Lights

“What are you doing?”

Kevin flailed a bit as he turned to look at Andrew, who looked bored to the untrained eye. His arms crossed over his chest betrayed his annoyance though. He faced Andrew with an equally bitchy look on his face. “Putting up lights, what does it look like?”

“Why?”

Kevin scowled. “Because it looks like a cave in here and you won’t let me open the blinds unless you’re smoking.”

Andrew considered this for a moment before deciding he had more important things to worry about and turning on his heel. “Do what you want. I don’t care.”

Kevin raised an eyebrow at the sudden retreat. Andrew didn’t give up that easily unless he stood to gain something from it. He shrugged and turned back to his lights. There was no use worrying about it right now.

\--

Later, Andrew sat up on the roof with Neil. It was getting a bit too cold for them to spend a long time up there, but it was peaceful and gave Andrew the clarity he needed to think.

Neil was busy alternating between blowing smoke rings with cigarette smoke and his breath when Andrew said, “We need to do something about Kevin.”

Neil looked at him quizzically. “You think the Christmas lights are more than just lights.”

Andrew nodded. “He doesn’t generally seem like the festive type, unless it’s Exy related.”

Neil was quiet for a moment, considering how likely his hunch was. Deciding he was probably right, he said, “I think the dark and cold remind him of the Nest.”

Andrew nodded. He had been thinking the same, but wanted to get confirmation from Neil, who’d lived through it as well. 

When Neil saw Andrew was going to push him, he chose to go on. “It’s-it was dark. All the time. And freezing. It’s like it was purposefully made to make you feel like the walls were closing in on you. I don’t blame him for not wanting to feel like that again. He’s trying to stop thinking like a Raven. Don’t cut him off at the knees.”

Andrew took a long drag of his cigarette and considered his next move. Sending Neil in would be the smartest choice, but Andrew threw it out. He knew how he could relate to Kevin on this.

\--

The next day, Kevin had finished putting the lights up and aside from a brief huff, Andrew kept his mouth shut. Kevin narrowed his eyes. “Why aren’t you bitching at me?”

Andrew raised an eyebrow. “Do you want me to bitch at you?”

“No. But you not sharing your opinion on whatever thing I’m doing is suspicious.”

“The cold hurts your hand, doesn’t it?”

Kevin swallowed as he took in the abrupt subject change. “Yeah. It does.”

Andrew stood and moved to stand by him. “It fucks with my arm too. Reminds me of-”

“Him?”

Not wanting to get into specifics, Andrew answered, “Something like that.” They stood in silence until Andrew continued, “Bee probably has some tips for dealing with seasonal depression. Or at the very least, she has hot chocolate.”

Kevin made a face. “Hot chocolate isn’t in my diet plan.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “One of these days I’m going to throw you out a window.”

Kevin ignored him and said, “Thank you.”

Andrew waved a dismissive hand. “If you bring a Christmas tree in here, I’ll kill you.”

Kevin didn’t argue. That was a fight for another day.


	29. Jerejean- Wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a sequel to ch. 89 of the original Afterthoughts, so read that first if you need a refresher!

If Jeremy thought pining after Jean was a nightmare before, it was nothing compared to the way he felt now that he knew his feelings were requited. Three months. He had to hold out for three more months and then if Jean still wanted him, he could finally kiss him. But that was contingent upon Jeremy not dying of a heart attack before then, which was looking more and more likely.

It was like now that he knew a relationship with Jean was a real possibility, the tension between them was present everywhere. He would be studying and look up to find Jean’s heavy grey eyes trained on him, only to have his lips quirk up in a smirk when he saw Jeremy blush in answer. Or their hands would brush while they were both reaching for popcorn during a movie and Jeremy would jump like his hand was on fire. And he swore when Jean lifted his fingers to his mouth to lick butter off of them, he looked at Jeremy on purpose.

It didn’t help that sharing space the way they did just felt so easily domestic. He knew he was being ridiculous, but ever since Jean came into his life, clawing and scratching his way into Jeremy’s heart, it was hard to imagine his life without him in it.

When Jeremy told Alvarez this over lunch after a few months, she raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. “You did not just compare Jean to a cat.”

“I thought it was poetic,” Jeremy mumbled into his coffee.

Sara patted his hand sympathetically. “You need to focus on graduating. And contracts, finals, getting an apartment...Jean will still be there once you’ve gotten all that straightened out.”

Jeremy smiled weakly. “You think so?”

She rolled her eyes, but there was fondness underlying it. “Are you kidding? He’s crazy about you. Trust me, I am in nauseating proximity to how he stares at you during practice. Which is especially weird because he normally doesn’t get distracted during Exy. He has that intense, thousand yard stare.”

Jeremy laughed at that, feeling his chest loosen a bit before sighing. ‘Three weeks,’ he told himself.

\--

After his talk with Alvarez, his last few weeks at USC were both the fastest and slowest of his life. The actual day of his graduation passed in a blur of hugs and tears and general commotion. His whole family had made it out to see him and though they had already met Jean over Spring Break, it still warmed his heart to see them interacting and to see Jean look so comfortable with them. Jean joined them for dinner, after everyone insisted that he wouldn’t be intruding. Jeremy got so caught up in it all that he could barely be nervous about what this day meant for him and Jean. 

Sure enough though, the end of the night came and it was just him and Jean in their dorm room for one last night. It made Jeremy a little emotional to see the space he’d occupied for five years look so empty, but he knew his new apartment was waiting for him to make new memories in. There was only one thing left to do in this room.

He turned to Jean, who was leafing through some papers on Jeremy’s desk he still hadn’t packed. Jeremy swallowed his nerves before saying, “So I’m officially not your captain anymore.”

Jean smiled. “You’re right.”

Jeremy took a breath and stepped closer. “So if you wanted to...there’s no reason for you not to kiss me.”

Jean reached down to touch his lower lip, the same way he had all those months ago. “Say yes.”

“Yes,” Jeremy breathed. Jean leaned down in answer and Jeremy felt their lips brush in a gentle kiss, Jean’s hand coming to curl around the back of his neck. 

They pulled apart, only to fall back into a deeper kiss immediately after. Finally, they stepped back to look at each other. “Worth the wait?” Jean asked.

Jeremy smiled softly. “Completely worth it.”


	30. Kandreil- Bye Week

Exy’s offseason was woefully short, meaning maintaining a three-way long distance relationship was a very delicate balancing act. Andrew was in Chicago, Neil in Denver and Kevin in Atlanta, so they usually met up at Andrew’s place when they were able. After the upcoming Olympic quad, they were hoping the hype would allow them to be transferred to the same team. 

For now though, it was was usually just two of them meeting on a shared bye week, watching the other play. This week though, by some miracle, none of them were playing, which meant they had the whole weekend spread before them. Kevin rambled on the group chat about how Neil was getting sloppy and how he was looking forward to practicing together to get him back in shape. Neil responded with a picture of himself flipping off the camera, followed by a screenshot of the score from the last time Neil’s team beat Kevin’s. Andrew told both of them to shut up. And more often than not, that was how their relationship worked.

Despite the constant antagonism, teasing each other was a sore substitute for being together and the snippishness was a sign that it had been too long. As the weekend approached, they all felt each other’s absence more keenly, eager to get away from practice and feel the sense of rightness they had when they were all together. 

Neil arrived first, to find Andrew on the couch with a tub of ice cream. Andrew didn’t look up, contrary asshole that he was, but Neil knew he’d heard him from the relaxing of his jaw. Neil smiled and moved to sit beside him. “Have you eaten anything but sweets all week?”

Andrew snorted and finally turned to look at Neil. “Really? Your hello is asking me if I’ve been eating my veggies?”

Neil’s lips curled into a smile and Andrew was reminded why he waited until the last second to look at Neil, as though waiting would make the world feel less wrong when he left. Neil leaned closer, still smiling, until they were a breath away, before preemptively breathing “yes” into Andrew’s mouth and kissing him fully.

Neil had just climbed into Andrew’s lap when the door opened to reveal Kevin, whose face twisted into a scowl. “Starting without me?”

To Andrew’s chagrin, Neil smirked and hopped up to greet him. “You’re not appreciating the show?”

Kevin’s scowl deepened, but Neil knew he was affected from the way the tips of his ears went pink. He twined their hands together and led Kevin back to the couch, where he began to regale them with the tale of why it had taken him so long to leave the airport.

“Poor Kevin, too famous for his own good,” Neil teased.

Kevin, who had been playing with Neil’s hair absently as he talked, tugged lightly and laughed at the hitch it caused in Neil’s breathing.

“Careful, Kevin,” Andrew said calmly. “We don’t want to break him this early in the weekend.

Neil mumbled out a weak protest, but he couldn’t be too mad when it made Kevin smile like that.

They didn’t actually move for a while, too warm and wrapped up in each other to need anything else. One day, they would have more, have each other every day, but for now, they were content.


	31. Andreil- Realization

It happens slowly.

Not the feeling itself-Neil has always known that something settles in him when he sees Andrew, something slow and syrupy. But naming that feeling requires a different energy than simply feeling it. 

Love-Neil doesn’t know if he’s truly capable of feeling it. He knows devotion, in the way his mother fought for him and died for him, but they never said the words and Neil knows it’s different from what he feels for Andrew.

He knows family-Matt and Dan and Nicky say “I love you” even when they know Neil won’t say it back and he tries to find ways to repay them for not giving up on him even though the words stick in his throat. 

He knows that Neil is not Nathaniel and that he’s growing every day into someone who cares for people other than himself and he takes the team’s jabs about him becoming a real boy in stride. But knowing something doesn’t necessarily change the chorus in the head that tells him he’s a monster every time he sees his father’s eyes staring back at him in the mirror. The only thing that brings him back from that ledge is Andrew’s hand on the back of his neck, his lips and hands and eyes, telling him he’s real and he gets to have this and that Andrew knows monsters and he wouldn’t let Neil this close to him if he was one.

It takes a while, because Neil has always been slow, but it hits him that there’s love and there’s being in love and that’s why his chest feels like it’s full when he looks at Andrew, asleep next to him and is allowed to just look. He reaches out to feel the sheets between them, warm with Andrew and tries it out.

“I love you.”

\--

It becomes habit after the night and Neils says it every night before he sleeps now. Andrew doesn’t know how Neil thinks he can get away with it, with thinking he can’t hear him, but Andrew never says anything, just keeps pretending to sleep, because it’s easier than seeing the way Neil’s face would shutter closed the second Andrew acknowledged it. They’re always honest, but Neil is still a little like a spooked deer and Andrew’s learned to read him well enough to know when talking is useless.

Still, after a few weeks it’s getting to the point where Andrew needs to know why. Neil has said his peace and is drifting off when Andrew says without opening his eyes, “I hear you, you know.”

Neil’s hand freezes between them. “For how long?”

“About two weeks.” Neil swallows, but doesn’t answer, so Andrew continues, “Do you want me to say it back?”

“No.”

Andrew opens his eyes at that and says, “Then why?”

Neil shrugs. “Is it enough for me to just want to?”

Andrew thinks about that. “Do you mean it?”

Neil nods and Andrew reaches out to trace his throat where it bobs with the motion. He rests his hand against the side of Neil’s neck. “Yes or no?”

“Yes.”

Andrew kisses him and there’s probably too much teeth, but he doesn’t care because this is how he says “I love you” and while he can’t say it with words, he knows Neil can hear him.


	32. Andreil- Piggy Back Rides

The Foxes are known for two things: dumb bets and no sense of self-preservation. So when they learn that the tension between Andrew and Neil is less murder and more a severely stunted attempt at emotion, they become committed to seeing the evidence for themselves.

Thus, a bet is made promising high winnings, courtesy the Bank of Allison, to whoever catches a glimpse of Andrew and Neil being casually affectionate. Discretion was key; no one wanted to die if Andrew caught on and Neil’s reaction wasn’t likely to be much better. 

Matt and Dan made the first attempt by taking them out to dinner, under the guise of prepping Neil for his vice captain position the next year. 

As they were getting ready, Andrew turned to Neil. “You know this isn’t about Exy, right?”

Neil raised an eyebrow. “You think I’m that stupid?”

Andrew shrugged. “I never know for sure. It’s good to check in.”

Neil chuckled and walked over to him, only to pulled in for a kiss. He grinned into it and tried to get closer, but was pushed away, with a care Andrew could only muster for Neil. 

“Careful,” he said, “If they see us, all the fun is over.”

Neil’s lips curled up into a mischievous smile. This could be fun.

\--

From there, all the Foxes’ attempts failed pretty spectacularly. Nicky couldn’t figure out how they did it. Neil and Andrew still sat together on the couch, but they didn’t sit like other couples. They didn’t hold hands or linger after walking each other to class. Andrew still slapped away Neil’s hand when he reached over to try and steal some fries. For all intents and purposes, it looked as though nothing had changed with them and it was infuriating.

Nicky eventually went to Kevin for some slice of insight, since he lived with them, but Kevin only scoffed. “Maybe if you put half this amount of effort into Exy, our defense would not be in such wretched state.”

“Mean!” Nicky yelled after him, but Kevin only flipped him off.

In short, things were looking grim until Kevin accidentally gave them the solution they were looking for. 

The team was scrimmaging, and Kevin and Neil were by necessity of different teams. After so many night practices against each other, the moments when they competed were brutal and God help anyone who got in the middle.

The ball popped out of Nicky’s racquet and they both scrambled after it, until they collided and Neil landed with a thud. He tried to get up, but winced while doing so. Because he was Neil, he tried to get up again, but Kevin held his shoulders.

“If you put weight on it, you’ll make it worse.”

Neil opened his mouth for what was sure to be a scathing retort, but his hostility melted away when Andrew reached him. 

“Come on, junkie.” 

He helped Neil hobble onto his good leg, before swinging him onto his back.

Nicky squeaked and dropped his racquet. “I win!”

Allison glared over at him. “How in the fuck does this mean you win?”

“If I hadn’t dropped the ball, this wouldn’t have happened.”

Kevin scowled. “You mean your bad playing was just part of a stupid bet?”

Nicky’s eyes widened. “Uh...no?”

He threw the ball and Kevin chased after him. “Andrew! Save me!” Nicky yelled as they ran past, but Andrew was occupied with propping Neil’s ankle and kissing him to shut him up.


	33. Jerejean- Hair

Jeremy’s hair was very distracting.

It was dark and glossy and he kept forgetting to schedule a haircut, so it was at that length where it curled just around his ears. 

Jean wanted to touch it.

His own hair was another matter entirely. He kept it short, meticulously so, hating even to brush it. The slightest touch to it was like needles against his sensitive scalp, and so he aimed to touch it as little as possible. 

That attitude seeped into how he reacted to other people’s hair as well. Jean was careful in everything he did, especially touching others, and with Jeremy his touches were the gentlest of all. Jeremy would joke with him that he wasn’t made of glass, but that just led Jean to cradle his cheek and say, “But you are precious to me.”

Jeremy would blush and rise up on his toes to kiss him and all would be forgotten. But Jean always avoided his hair, unsure of how such a touch could ever feel good, how it could bring anything but pain.

Until Jean woke one morning, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and followed the smell of food to the kitchen, where Jeremy stood in his too long pajama pants, flipping pancakes. His hair was still rumpled from sleep and Jean ached with the desire to run his hands through it, to try and get it to lie flat. He clenched his fists against the urge before reaching out to touch Jeremy’s waist lightly, causing him to jump before turning to face Jean.

His face broke into a soft grin. “Morning, baby>”

“Good morning, my love,” Jean answered, dipping down to kiss his cheek. “The bed was cold this morning.”

Jeremy turned back to the pancakes. “I’m sorry. I was just hungry and didn’t want to wake you.”

“I’m teasing,” he said, permitting himself to kiss the top of Jeremy’s head, hoping it would quiet his desire to feel that soft hair between his fingers.

Jeremy hummed happily in reply as Jean wrapped his arms around his middle. “Hold on, let me turn the burner off…” He turned in Jean’s arms. “Hi.”

Jean couldn’t help it anymore and reached out to tuck a stray curl behind Jeremy’s ear. “Hello.”

Jean watched the tips of Jeremy’s ears go pink and started twirling a curl between his fingers. “You like that.”

Jeremy nodded. “I’ve been growing it out so you’d play with it.”

“Sneaky.”

“You don’t have to be afraid of hurting me.”

Jean paused. “I’m not. I just- it really feels good?”

“Yes,” Jeremy confirmed, “So we’re going to have to put this on hold, or we’re going to end up eating cold pancakes.”

The topic was dropped until that night, when they crawled into bed. Jean reached out a hand and brushed it through Jeremy’s hair, massaging his scalp a bit. 

Jeremy melted against Jean’s chest. “You’re going to ruin me,” he said weakly.

Jean dropped a kiss onto Jeremy’s lips before continuing to stroke his hair. He fell asleep to the sound of Jeremy’s even breathing, just as Jeremy fell asleep to the beat of his heart.


	34. Andreil- Blood

Exy was violent and when you played it, you expected to get a little banged up. In Neil’s case, more than a little, due to his inability to keep his mouth shut and his penchant for reckless plays. However, the players were mostly expected to keep the violence on the field, where there was padding and referees.

Some players were better at this than others though and the Foxes didn’t have a reputation for being saints, to say the least. They’d gotten a full debriefing from Wymack about the ERC’s stipulation that they be on their best behavior at this year’s Winter Banquet, with specific instructions to not antagonize the Ravens. 

Neil thought it was unfair that Coach Wymack’s gaze went to him more often than not throughout the speech, despite that face that he was the main reason for the ruling. He maintained that punching Riko had been perfectly reasonable, as Riko had deserved to be punched, and often. But since Coach promised that they would be praying for a marathon compared to his wrath if they fucked this up, Neil promised not to do anything.

So the Foxes get all dolled up and ready for the banquet and Neil is so focused on Andrew in a suit that it doesn’t even occur to him to worry about the Ravens. Why would he? Without their leader, they were in shambles, while the Foxes had never been better.

The first hour goes well and Neil’s starting to relax, when he hears footsteps behind him. They stop and he hears, “Hello, Nathaniel,” in a sing song voice.

Neil goes rigid, but he forces himself to relax before turning to face them. There’s a group of about five Ravens, but Neil doesn’t recognize most of them. He’d been too hazy at Evermore to know anyone’s names but Riko and Jean. He trains his face into a lazy smile and says, “You’re going to have to do better than that.”

The other boy grins, like a wolf baring his teeth. “It’s a shame about your face. Though from what I heard, I’m sure you looked pretty begging for it.”

Before Neil can move, the Raven is on the ground, courtesy of Andrew’s fist. He doesn’t stay there long before charging Andrew. They both get a few hits in, before Wymack and the Raven’s new coach pull them apart.

Andrew spits out the blood in his mouth and wipes the rest off with the back of his hand.

Coach looks at Neil. “What the hell happened?”

It’s Andrew who replies though, saying, “Later, Coach,” with an eerie calm.

Wymack pinches the bridge of his nose. “Nine A.M. in my office, Minyard.”

Andrew nods and makes for the bus, Neil close on his heels. Abby tries to look at his face, but Andrew brushes her off with an ease Neil knows he doesn’t feel. 

They get to the back of the bus, where Neil kneels in front of him. “Let me see,” he says gently and is surprised when Andrew doesn’t protest. “You’re bleeding.”

“No shit,” Andrew replies, but it’s without heat.

Neil shakes his head. “You should have let me handle it.”

“You promised Coach you wouldn’t get in any fights.”

“And you didn’t?” Neil counters.

“I didn’t,” Andrew continues, “so I could be there when you inevitably attracted trouble.”

Neil’s hands move from where they’re bracketing Andrew’s face to relax at the base of his neck. “Coach is still going to kill you.”

“I don’t care. He’ll understand.”

Neil nods, knowing it’s true. He looks around and smiles. “On the bright side, since we’re definitely not getting invited back in, we have the bus to ourselves.”

“In your dreams, junkie,” Andrew replies and Neil settles against him. It’s by far the best banquet they go to.


	35. Jerejean- Delinquent!AU

Jeremy stares at the clock, fighting the way its constant tick makes his eyelids droop shut. He just had to make it to 1 AM and then his coworker would take over the register at the dingy corner store he worked at. It wasn’t a particularly glamorous job, but it paid for whatever his scholarship didn’t cover and working the night shift meant it wasn’t too busy, so he could get his homework done while he’s there.

He’s about to drift off again, when he hears the ding of the door of the door and sees four men about his age walk in. This isn’t exceptional, considering it’s a college town, but it’s enough to make him sit up and take notice. It’s almost comical; two of the men are very short and the other two are very tall. 

Three of them head toward the back, but the tallest one turns and walks toward Jeremy with a smile. He knows he should be wary- this is a classic set up for a robbery and for all he knows the man walking toward him is the muscle or the lookout- but he can’t stop looking at the other man’s eyes, gray and gorgeous, and his tongue feels stuck in his throat.

“Can I help you?” he manages to squeak out once his brain comes back online.

The man grins and plucks a candy bar off the display case. “I’m just here to get an alibi.”

Jeremy raises an eyebrow. “Did you do something?”

The other man chuckles, a deep, rich sound and says, “I’m kidding. Honestly, you just looked scared of me. It’s the scar, isn’t it?”

“I hadn’t noticed,” Jeremy says of the long mark that travels up the man’s jaw and cheek. He’d been too distracted by his eyes to notice, but he’s not going to tell him that.

The man’s lips quirk up and he says, “They might try to to take something. So keep the change from this.”

He hands Jeremy a five to cover the candy and Jeremy knows he shouldn’t, but he takes it and doesn’t question the strange request. “Can I least have your name? For the alibi. It would be more convincing if I said we were friends,” he teases, uncharacteristically flirty. He doesn’t know why he’s acting like this, but if it’s working…

“Jean,” the other man says, “And I’d be honored to call you my friend, if only for the night.”

“Jean,” he says, a little dreamily. “I’m Jeremy.”

“Do you have a marker, Jeremy?”

He scrunches his face in confusion, but hands Jean a sharpie. Jean takes Jeremy’s hand and writes what turns out to be his phone number on it. He looks nervous, a complete flip from how he’d looked walking in. Jeremy think it’s just as attractive.

“No pressure. But if you wanted to talk somewhere less weird.”

Jeremy smiles. “I’d like that.”

Jean’s answering grin is smothered by his friends walking to the door. The shortest one throws a tub of ice cream at Jean. He tries to pay for it, but Jeremy waves his hand. “It’s covered.”

He stares at Jeremy for another moment before his tall friend says, “Are you coming, Jean?”

Jean nods and heads over to them. “I’ll see you around?”

Jeremy nods before saying, “Wait! Your candy bar!”

Jean smiles. “It’s yours.”

He leaves with a wink and Jeremy slumps in his seat. Night shifts were weird.


	36. Andreil- Interview

It shouldn’t have even been a problem. Neither Neil nor Andrew had any particular desire to go public with their relationship, as what they had worked from them and was no one else’s business. What was an issue, for Neil anyway, was how Andrew didn’t care what the press said about him, and worse, that he didn’t seem to want Neil to defend him. 

He wasn’t any coach’s first choice for press duty, but he was well known enough that he had to be allowed to do interviews fairly frequently. That meant he was usually limited to roasting whatever unlucky team they’d just played, but the next week they would be playing Andrew’s team, so the press saw fit to ask Neil about playing against his former teammate.

He tried to answer lightly, talking about looking forward to the challenge and playing up Andrew’s stats, but still maintaining that he wasn’t worried about losing to him. One of the reporters gets a bit pushy though, and asks Neil if he’s ever been concerned about playing against him, “considering his violent history.”

Neil bites back the retort about his own violent history and merely scoffs. “Andrew would never hurt me. He’s my-” He stops himself. It’s not an admission, but it might as well be and he watches the reporter’s eyes go wide with recognition of what he just said. He’d tell her to scratch the statement, but it’s live coverage and fuck.

He makes it home at about 1 AM (he’s thankful it was a home game-distance would have made this worse) and he still hasn’t quite figured out what to say. Andrew’s awake, one of the cats in his lap, and the sight of Andrew petting a cat like a movie villain would be comical if Neil’s heart wasn’t in his throat.

“Andrew, I-”

“Tell me why.”

Neil sits on the edge of the couch. “I can’t let them think that you’re just some violent animal. You’re a person.”

“So you said it to humanize me?”

“No. I said it because it was true. You can’t expect truth from me and then be angry when I’m truthful.”

“I’m not angry,” Andrew says. “I don’t care that they know, Neil.”

“But we didn’t talk about it first. I crossed a line.”

Andrew flicks his hand and Sir jumps off his lap with a yowl. “It’s hard to cross a line when you don’t even finish your sentence.”

“What?”

Andrew moves closer. “You said, ‘he’s my-’ and then cut off. So what am I?”

Neil pauses and runs through all the words he knows. ‘Boyfriend’ feels cheap and ‘partner’ doesn’t seem to fit. “You’re my Andrew,” he says, finally.

Andrew looks at him for a long moment before closing the distance, his hand curling behind Neil’s neck. Neil feels his pulse jump and Andrew runs his hand over the spot with something akin to wonder. He kisses him then and though Andrew won’t say the words, Neil knows it means he’s Andrew as much as Andrew’s his.

When they pull away, Neil says, “I’m still going to beat you next week.”

Andrew huffs against his neck. “We’ll see,” he says and pushes Neil back against the couch.


	37. Andreil- Anniversary

If he were a different person, Andrew would say there were many downsides to having an eidetic memory. There were upsides too, but as he saw it, both pessimism and optimism were useless. His dogged retention of information was simply a fact of life and Andrew found no benefit in weighing the merits and detriments of unchangeable facts. And the fact of the matter was Andrew remembered dates.

So of course he knew the the date of his and Neil’s supposed anniversary was coming up.

Anniversaries had always been tricky things he didn’t like to dwell on. He knew the date he entered each foster home, the day he left, the day Neil joined the Foxes, everything. What he didn’t know was why this one was pulling at him so hard.

He was still distracted by the nagging in his head when he made his way to Bee’s office that afternoon. Thankfully, it was a solo session, as he and Aaron’s joint sessions had been reduced to once a month. He sat down and took the hot chocolate already waiting for him.

“Cinnamon?” he guessed after taking a sip.

Bee smiled softly. “I’m still using up all my Christmas gifts. This one was from David.”

Pleasantries out of the way, he nodded and settled back in the chair.

“How are you today, Andrew?” she asked.

He thought for a moment before saying, “Me and Neil have- I kissed him a year ago.”

She nodded again, careful not to push him into feeling like he needed to validate her response. “How are you feeling about that?”

Andrew grimaced. “Really? ‘How does that make you feel’?”

Her mouth twitched. “I thought it was an appropriate question. I can rephrase it if you like.”

He shook his head. “I guess I just don’t want to screw this up.”

“This?”

He hesitated. “Neil and I’s...relationship.” The words stuck to the roof of his mouth.

“I can’t speculate as to other people’s reactions, but I think honesty is usually good in relationships between people.”

They spent the rest of the session working through putting Andrew’s scattered thoughts into words and he left feeling grounded if nothing else. He meets Neil on the roof and if he takes a minute to watch how the setting winter sun lights up his face, it’s no one’s business but his own.

He makes his way over to Neil and immediately reaches for a cigarette. “Did you steal these out of my coat pocket?”

Neil smirks. “You should be more careful with your things.”

Andrew brings his hand up to cradle Neil’s cheek. “Hmm. I guess making it a year without me killing you is better than expected.”

Neil’s brow furrows. “A year? I’ve been here longer than-” his mouth settles into an unflattering ‘O’ shape. “You mean since-”

“Since I kissed you.”

“Since we kissed,” Neil corrects snottily, and Andrew wants to drag him to the pavement.

Andrew remembers everything, but he forgets how easy it is to slip into Neil, how easy Neil makes the hard moments. So he lets himself forget and pulls Neil in for a kiss and lets himself have a this for once.


	38. Jerejean- Gentle

To put it mildly, Jean was not accustomed to being touched gently. The last gentle hand he remembers is his mother’s, touching his face as she sent him away. He has long since forgotten the words she spoke, and even her face is cloudy to him now, but the memory of the touch of her hand on his cheek was a balm for the eleven years he spent at Evermore.

He feared he would never be touched gently again, until Renee came for him with soothing words and hands cradling his face. He flinched away from her, but she didn’t judge him for it, only held him fiercely and pulled him out like an avenging angel.

Jean does not flinch for Jeremy Knox, or any of the Trojans. He treats their handshakes like acts of violence and answers in kind. To Jean, the Trojan Court is a battlefield, and Jean, raised for war, sees the other players as landmines to be avoided.

Jeremy, on the other hand, is naturally tactile. Jean sees how he seeks out his friends’ touch, leans into it like a flower tilts up toward the sun and Jean cannot fathom what it must be like to trust someone enough for that.

It takes time, but he and Jeremy eventually form a genuine friendship. Still, he sees how careful Jeremy is to respect his boundaries and while it’s kind, he won’t let Jeremy deny himself what he needs because of Jean. He trusts Jeremy with this .

“I am not a spooked animal,” he says, watching Jeremy perch himself on Jean’s bed.

Jeremy twists his hands nervously. “I know. I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Jean puts his book away and moves closer to him, pressing their knees together. “I will not always be okay with this. But I can try. I can get better. This is good.”

Jeremy’s sweet smile lights up the room.

\--

Jeremy was not a stranger to physical affection. He had grown up in a family of huggers and while he would never cross someone’s boundaries, he’s the first to offer a literal shoulder to cry on or a hug of congratulations. 

That said, his fear of touching Jean wasn’t entirely based on concern for Jean. Jeremy in a romantic context became more guarded in his touch. He craved it, but he’d been in bad relationship before, been told he was needy and clingy, so it’s just easier to stay away, to put off the hurt.

But when Jean holds him the first time and traces his hand over his face like he’s something to be cherished, something inside Jeremy breaks.

He doesn’t realize it until Jean tilts Jeremy’s head up, frowning. “You’re trembling.”

Jeremy shakes his head and brings Jean’s hand to his chest. “I’m fine, I promise. Just don’t go away, please.”

Jean nods, but he still has that adorable furrow in his brow that Jeremy wants to smooth away with his thumb, his lips, anything. “I won’t, Jere. But I need you to talk to me.”

“I just never thought it would feel like this.”

Jean smiles. “Like what?” he asks, lifting Jeremy’s hand to kiss it.

Jeremy lets out a sigh. “Like that. Safe. Good. Special.”

Jean presses a kiss to his temple. “You are safe. I will never hurt you.” He moves to Jeremy’s wrist. “You are good. You are so good. You deserve good things. And I will give them to you.” He ends with a kiss to his cheek. “You are so special and precious to me, my love. Don’t forget that.”

Jeremy surges forward and kisses him soundly. “Thank you.”

Jean shakes his head. “I love you. I need no thanks for that.”

They fall asleep, together, and happy, and so, so loved.


	39. Andreil- Crumbs

As usual, Neil felt he was being perfectly reasonable and had no idea why everyone was so irritated with him. It was just a sprained ankle. He had rolled it on a rock during one of his morning jogs. It wasn’t even a big deal. He’d ran on worse.

But when Neil made it back to the dorm, you’d think he’d had the damn thing amputated from the way everyone was acted. And Andrew was by far the worst. He practically marched Neil to Abby by the scruff of his neck. It was all supremely unfair, in Neil’s opinion. He acted as if Neil had done this on purpose, like it was part of some scheme to run his life.

To make matters worse, Abby told him he was out of practice for at least two days until she could check it again. He tried to protest, but Andrew and Kevin’s twin glares had the words dying on his lips. So now he was being held captive in their room while everyone else got to go to practice.

He’d ended up in Andrew’s loft, because Andrew thought he’d be less likely to climb down and do something stupid that way. Neil sat up there, petulantly eating crackers and watching updates on ESPN to predict how this week’s game was going to go. Overall, it was a boring way to spend a Saturday afternoon. 

When Andrew and Kevin returned from practice, Neil was immediately greeted with a glower.

“You’re getting crumbs all over my bed,” Andrew said sourly while throwing his practice bag up onto the loft.

“You’re the one who told me you trusted me more up here,” Neil chirped back.

“Well, I certainly can’t trust you on the ground.”

Neil holds up the cracker box and shakes it. “I made do with what I had in a hostage situation.”

Andrew rolls his eyes and finally hefts himself up to join Neil. “You’re so fucking dramatic.”

“As if you didn’t know that,” Neil answered, swaying closer until Andrew caught his chin, rubbing his thumb over his cheek.

“Like I said before,” Andrew murmured, “I must not be as smart as I thought I was, to keep coming back.”

Neil grinned into the kiss that followed. When they pulled away, Neil grumbled, “I still don’t understand why I can’t even go to practice. It’s just a sprained ankle.”

“Because you’d do something stupid, like walk two miles home on it. Or the universe will get a glimpse of you and send a ball careening into your ankle.”

Neil smiled wryly. “Careful. That almost sounds like genuine concern.”

“It isn’t. It’s fact. You hobbled home instead of picking up your cell phone.”

Neil opened his mouth to apologize, but knew it wouldn’t mean anything to Andrew. Not when he kept making the same mistake. “I’ll call next time,” he says instead. When Andrew only grunts, he persists, “I will.”

Andrew appears disinterested. “It’s your funeral,” he says, but Neil knows that he’s been heard and thought he can be a thoughtless asshole sometimes, he wants to be better for Andrew.

He gets his comeuppance when Andrew pushes him down against the mattress, only to let out a sharp yelp. Andrew pulls away and looks at him, concerned, until Neil smiles sheepishly.

“There’s a crumb digging into my back.”

Andrew replies with an eye roll. “Idiot.”


	40. Jerejean- Anniversary

Six months. Jeremy and Jean had been dating six months and Jean was starting to relax into it. For the first time in his life, he didn’t feel like the other shoe was due to drop at any moment.

To celebrate their anniversary, they were out at a new restaurant Jeremy wanted to try. Jean was glad to have Jeremy for a lot of reasons, but one was the fact that Jeremy thwarted his natural impulse to be a hermit. Jean said as much over dinner and Jeremy threw his head back, laughing with beautiful abandon and Jean thought, not for the first time, about how lucky was to have Jeremy.

Jeremy, who was so free and open with his heart, who gave himself away to everyone, while Jean was still afraid to give away the splinters he had left. Jeremy, who took those splinters and didn’t see only jagged edges, but helped Jean put them back together into something beautiful.

Jean barely heard himself as he said, “I love you.”

Jeremy froze with his head back and Jean felt his heart squeeze and he broke into an uncharacteristic babble. “I’m sorry if it’s too soon. I don’t really know. I’ve never-- I’ve never said that to anyone before. But you’re here and you’re beautiful and I just- I know what it’s like to not hear it and I think you don’t deserve to go a day without hearing it.”

Jeremy’s stunned silence continued, so Jean added anxiously, “I’m not- you don’t have to say it back. Just- tell me you’re not miserable. Because you’ve made me so unbelievably happy, Jeremy, but you deserve to be happy too.”

Jean relaxed minutely, only for Jeremy to react to his words by bursting into tears. “Baby?” Jean asked, squeezing Jeremy’s hand.

After a moment, Jeremy calmed enough to say, “You gave me a romantic comedy speech.”

Jean squinted. “A what?”

Jeremy explained, “A romantic comedy speech. It’s like how at the end of a movie the male lead gives a whole speech about how amazing the love interest is and wins back their heart. I never thought I’d get one in real life.”

This just confused Jean more. “I was just- saying what I thought.”

Jeremy laughed and Jean fell more hopelessly in love. “That’s why you’re so perfect. You didn’t even need a movie you just- you just get me. You know what I need and you don’t think I’m stupid or annoying for needing it. So, to answer your question, you make me happier than I have ever been in my life. I love you.”

Jean moved forward to kiss him and Jeremy met him, as always, in the middle. They kept the kiss light, but it held promise. A promise that neither of them were letting go of this. 

When they pulled back from the kiss, Jeremy was smiling broadly. “Happy anniversary, babe.”

Jean kissed his hand. “Happy anniversary, sunshine.”

Jean looked at their joined hands and for the first time, found that letting someone hold him up had made him stronger.


	41. Andreil- Breaking and Entering

In general, Neil prided himself on being adaptable. A chameleon, doing whatever it took to blend in and whatever was necessary to survive. As such, the law didn’t hold very much weight for him. 

That being said, if you’d told Neil ten years ago that one day he’d be standing outside Kevin Day’s apartment acting as lookout for his boyfriend, he’d have laughed in your face. Mostly at the boyfriend part. The rest was honestly depressingly believable.

As it was, Neil stretched as he leaned against the wall. “We could get arrested for this, you know,” he pointed out with no actual heat behind his words.

Andrew looked up from where he was working on picking the lock only briefly to give Neil a withering glance. “We won’t,” he said, turning back to the project at hand.

“But we could,” Neil countered snottily, leaning down to observe what Andrew was doing. He tilted his head. “You know there’s an easier way to do that, right?”

Andrew glared at him. “The second we get inside, I’m pushing you out a window.”

Neil grinned and decided to leave Andrew alone without anymore backseat thieving. Soon enough, a pop indicated that the job was done. They moved inside and though it wasn’t what they were there for, Andrew made a beeline for Kevin’s liquor cabinet, which contained one solitary bottle of vodka, just for special occasions.

“You hate vodka,” Neil pointed out with a raised eyebrow, but Andrew had already taken a sip, wincing.

“It’s the principle. He’ll know it’s missing.”

Neil rolled his eyes and made his way over to the side table, where Kevin’s things were arranged just so, despite him only being there four days every two weeks or so. Neil moved one of the books to where it was just slightly off kilter. 

He jumped when Andrew’s hand glosted gently over the small of his back. Behind him, Andrew was giving him a look that very pointedly called Neil a hypocrite. Neil sent him one back telling him to shut up.

They made their way into Kevin’s bedroom, where the prize they were actually looking for was located. “Do you know where it is?” Neil asked from the doorway.

“Kevin’s predictable,” Andrew answered, not looking up from where he was currently digging around in the closet. “Everything’s labeled.”

When he emerged at last, he had it- Kevin’s racquet from Neil’s first season with the Foxes. Neil had been collecting the old racquets from his original teammates and Kevin was the only holdout, claiming he liked to look back on all of them. Andrew couldn’t care less about Neil’s strange obsession, but if it was important to Neil, than there was no way he wasn’t going to figure something out.

Neil cradled the racquet the entire way home and was finally able to to place it in his now complete collection. 

It was a few days before the text came from Kevin cussing them out creatively. He couldn’t have been too mad though, because the invitation came, as it did every month: “Dinner, 6:00? You two owe me.”

Neil smiled down at his phone. Things really hadn’t changed at all.


	42. Andrew- Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm still alive! Sorry for slow updates, grad school is destroying me.

Andrew threw his bag up onto the loft bed, claiming it as his before anyone else got the chance. He had kicked Aaron and Nicky out, needing a chance to scope the place out free of their incessant bickering. They had grumbled, but Nicky had rebounded by faking being excited at the prospect of buying “decorations” for the room. Aaron looked less than enthused, but Andrew didn’t particularly care, as long as he was bothering Nicky and not him.

He took a deep breath before beginning the climb up. He hated heights, but he needed the rush of his heartbeat like he needed air. It was something he knew was real, something different than the impatient twitch of his fingers and the laugh that left his throat unbidden, unrecognizable. None of the reactions his body made were his, except for the sharp thump of his heart when he felt his feet leave the ground. 

Not to mention, once he was up in the loft, he had an extra few seconds if anyone tried to sneak up on him. It was a fortress against the world and when he was up there, for those few moments, he was alone, but he was safe.

A few minutes later, the spell was broken and he had to throw a remote at Nicky for calling him a squirrel in a tree, but he held on to those few moments of solace for months.

\--

Shortly after, his loft ceased being quite the solace it had started out as. The space was too imbued with other people to be less than stifling and it only got worse when Kevin joined the mix. So Andrew found the roof and no one dared disturb him and things were stable again. Until Neil burst onto the roof and into his life and suddenly the roof was their space and Andrew’s loft was back to being his.

His last year at Palmetto, though, brought with it another unexpected upheaval in the form of Robin. It wasn’t long until she moved in with them and shifted around everything in Andrew’s world with it.

Now, Andrew was laying with his back to the wall, as Neil climbed up to join him. It obviously wasn’t as if they hadn’t shared the bed before, but this was like offering Neil the last sliver of himself and saying, “Take it, it’s yours.” 

Neil smiled at him and laid down facing him, with space between them. “This okay?”

It was so Neil to act like he didn’t want more than that, so Andrew rolled his eyes and beckoned him closer. “You know I’d tell you if it wasn’t.”

Neil grinned and settled in against him, face against Andrew’s neck. 

“Fetish,” Andrew quipped.

“You like it,” Neil mumbled sleepily.

It should have been too much, but at that moment, Andrew liked having Neil there. There would still be nights when Neil would be sent to sleep on the couch, but all Andrew could think for now was how long he had waited for this without even knowing.


	43. Dan and Kevin- Standoff

“This is stupid,” Kevin complained loudly, pulling on the piece of fabric that kept him attached to Dan’s arm. Looking over at her, she didn’t look any happier about the situation.

“Stop moving around so much,” she shot back, glowering at him.

“Well, it’s not my fault we’re stuck together,” he spat back.

“It isn’t mine either!”

One would have thought that the goodwill that came of winning the championships would have stayed with the Foxes, but the truth of the matter was that they were a family and families fought. So it really should have been no surprise to anyone that almost immediately upon beginning practice again in August, Kevin was on the warpath about not making the last season a fluke.

Dan, in her last season, had had enough of this and loudly declared, “I am the captain of this team for one more year, so you’re either going to shut the fuck up or leave.”

Kevin had predictably stormed out and practice had been tense all week. So naturally, in the Fox way, the team had decided that the only way to fix this tension was to throw them together until they sorted out their differences. 

They had sat in silence for about fifteen minutes before their wrists had started to hurt, leading to the present moment. 

“You want to win as much as I do,” Dan said, breaking the silence. “Can we at least agree on that?”

“If you want to win so badly, can you at least admit my criticisms can help?” Kevin grumbled back.

“But they don’t help! They’re rarely constructive. You just say shit to make yourself feel superior.”

Kevin shook his head. “I say what has to be said to make the team better-”

“You say whatever helps you save face.”

Kevin glared. “If this isn’t about Exy, can you at least come to a point?”

Dan rolled her eyes. “If this isn’t-I swear, I will never know how you live with your head that far up your own ass.”

“Please just tell me what you want from me.”

The ‘please’ caught Dan off guard, as she had become convinced he had never learned the word. “It’s my last year with the team,” she started, “I built it and at the end of the day, I don’t care if we win. I care if we have the foundation to stay standing once I’m gone. You undermining everyone including me doesn’t ensure that.”

“They’ll have Neil,” Kevin added after a moment.

“You know as well as I do that Neil will do whatever is necessary for the team. But it’ll be painful and I don’t know if the team can handle a repeat of last year.”

“They have Coach.”

“Does Coach have you?”

Kevin nodded slowly. “He isn’t going to abandon you for me, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

She scoffed. “I don’t give a rat’s ass about me. It’s just exhausting to feel like you went through last year to have you come out the same Kevin. Stop pushing everyone away first. And come to dinner with Coach. I know he’s offered.”

Dan didn’t get an explicit answer, but that Sunday, Kevin was there at Wymack’s door. He arrived with a fruit tray and left with a full stomach, a few more hugs and a little gratitude for being handcuffed to Dan for a day.


	44. Andreil- Night

Andrew shifted in bed for what felt like the thousandth time that night. He adamantly refused to acknowledge the voice that told him it had anything to do with the absence of Neil by his side. He had gotten used to Neil’s weight next to him in his last year at Palmetto, more used to it than he had ever thought possible.

Then again, Neil had been surprising him since the day they met, pushing and pulling at Andrew until they both stumbled into...this. Andrew still didn’t know what to name it. Everything felt wrong, trivial, too much and not enough. So he tried not to worry about it.

He wasn’t suffering from a lack of distractions. Now that he was on a professional team and living in his own apartment, he had plenty to focus on. But when he was alone at night, it felt too big, too empty, which was an irony for someone who had spent so much of his life wanting desperately to be left alone. But Andrew was nothing if not excellent at ignoring less than pleasant feelings, so he keeps busy and doesn’t think about the extra space in his bed.

Turning over once again, he’s actually close to falling asleep when he hears his phone ring. He’s committed to ignoring it, until he sees Neil’s name and feels the traitor thump of his heart. 

“Neil?” he asks, because it’s far more likely to assume Neil was kidnapped and this is a ransom call than believe Neil picked his phone up at called at 2 AM by his own free will. Neil may have wedged his way into Andrew’s life with no sign of moving, but he was still utterly impossible.

“It’s me,” Neil says, too quiet and subdued for Andrew’s comfort.

“Where are you?”

“In my dorm.” He sighs. “I had a nightmare and I had to make sure you were okay.”

A beat of silence passes before Andrew decides on sincerity and says, “I’m okay.” Once he hears Neil’s relieved sigh, he can’t resist pushing a bit. “I’m in your nightmares, junkie?”

Neil groans. “Drew, don’t…”

“I’m just asking.”

Neil’s quiet for another minute before saying, “It was my dad. I was in Baltimore, all over again, but you were there and I couldn’t stop him.”

Andrew’s fingers itch to be able to wrap themselves at the nape of Neil’s neck, or to dig into his har, anything to ground him and get him out of that headspace. Since he can’t do that, he keeps his voice level and says, “Neil. Your father is dead. He cannot hurt you anymore.”

“You know that’s not true.”

Andrew thinks of his nightmares, worse without Neil, of being paralyzed with fear. “No. But you can prove him wrong.”

Neil laughs, surprisingly enough. “You suck at comforting people.”

Andrew narrowly resists the urge to roll his eyes. “You didn’t call for comfort if you called me.”

“I missed you.”

Andrew looks over at the empty space and the extra pillow where Neil’s head should be. “I missed you too.”


	45. Jerejean- Cookies

Jeremy was at his wit’s end. He always descended into baking chaos during finals (a benefit of having a kitchen in the sports dorms), but this particular batch of cookies was just not behaving the way he wanted them to. He had been preoccupied by all the end of the year stress and must have overmixed the batter, so the cookies had spread out into one deformed mega cookie.

He was just pulling it out of the oven and deciding how to salvage the concoction when a deep voice rang out from behind him. “Are they supposed to look like that?”

He turned and saw Jean leaning against the door jamb. He had that serious, intense look that was his signature, but Jeremy knew him well enough after a year to see the twinkle of amusement in his eye.

Jeremy straightened up and looked indignantly at Jean. “Yes. Yes they are.”

Jean’s lips curled into a faint smile as he pushed off the door. “Are you sure?” he said, making his way over to look closer at the cookies.

Jeremy rubbed the back of his neck. “I may have, uh, overmixed.”

Jean nodded and picked an edge off to pop it in his mouth before Jeremy could protest. “Still tastes good.”

“Aren’t you going to lecture me about carbs and unrefined sugars?”

Jean rolled his eyes. “I’m not Kevin. I know finals week is fair game. Besides, it’s not as though you’ve ever listened to me.”

Jeremy smiled. “Learning to pick your battles at last? Careful Jean. Someone might accuse you of going soft.”

Surprisingly, Jean chuckled. “I think that ship has sailed.”

“It was the cookies, wasn’t it?” Jeremy teased.

Jean gave him a dry look. “Yes. It was definitely the cookies. Nations would fall for those cookies.”

“Are you comparing me to Helen of Troy?”

“A trojan joke. Clever.”

Jeremy smiled. “I’ve had a lot of time to practice them.”

Jean nodded and Jeremy turned back to the cookies, only to freeze when Jean continues, “It is an apt metaphor though.”

“Oh?” he answered, struggling to keep his voice even, “Are you saying I have a face that can topple empires?”

Jean chuckled. “You inspire people, not with fear, but with your presence. I respect that and...I appreciate everything you’ve done for me this year. Even if I made it difficult for you.”

Jeremy felt his throat tighten up a bit, but he refused to cry. “That means a lot, Jean. Thank you. And you didn’t make my life any more difficult than anyone else here. This team is a handful.”

Jean chuckled. “You’ve done it a lot of good. Things won’t be the same without you.”

“Well, you know,” Jeremy started, “You are always welcome at my new place.”

Jean smirked and took another piece of cookie. “How can you be sure I won’t just use you for desserts?”

Jeremy swatted at him absently with a towel. “Oh, go be useful and get Alvarez.”

Jean laughed and turned to leave, but before he did, he added, “Your face is an added benefit as well.”

Yep. Jeremy was in way over his head.


	46. Andreil- Glow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys-it's been a while. I've had a rough couple months and just didn't have a lot of energy. But I'm back and hopefully will be writing more soon! Enjoy!

They’re both aware of the elephant in the room, but it doesn’t get brought up until the fall banquet of Neil’s sophomore year, when he is struggling to tie his tie. Andrew can’t watch this disaster go on much longer, so he moves Neil’s hands out of the way and ties the damn thing himself.

In the process, his fingers brush against the fox’s eye that rests low on Neil’s neck, almost at the line of his collarbone. He’s intimately familiar with the mark, but he’s never touched it directly, just as he’s never allowed Neil’s hands to drift toward the paw print on his neck.

“You know what that means,” a cruel voice whispers in the back of his mind, but Andrew shoves the thought quickly back. No need to go to that place in his head. He remembers how angry Drake had been when he’d touched the spot and nothing happened. The only balm for the pain that followed was the relief of knowing that it hadn’t lit up, that whatever fucked up force that ran the universe didn’t have that sick of a sense of humor.

What it left him with though was the sense- he couldn’t quite call it fear- that if Neil were to touch his mark, he’d be met with the same nothingness. Or, that he would touch Neil’s mark and it would light up, only for his own to remain dull and lifeless. 

He’s pulled out of his reverie by Neil’s voice saying his name, in a timbre he reserves for Andrew alone. “Drew, you’ve been staring at my tie for two minutes.”

Andrew lets go at last with a final smoothing of Neil’s lapels. “We should get going,” he says, turning to grab his jacket. Before he can leave, though, Neil’s hand finds his and it’s a testament to everything Andrew knows to be true about their bond that he doesn’t immediately pull away from the contact.

“Andrew. Look.”

He turns back to see the familiar fox eye on Neil’s neck, only this time it’s glowing. 

And Neil’s face looks the same as it did after they kissed the second time, the real time, so full of hope that Andrew has to turn it back onto himself as self-loathing. He used to feel sorry for whoever had the shit luck to be his soulmate, but knowing it’s Neil feels like falling.

It feels like fear.

“Don’t you want to know?” Neil asks, and his hand doesn’t move and his eyes don’t leave Andrew’s either. It’s that fact that leads Andrew to say yes when Neil moves his hand to hover over his neck and ask, as he has a thousand times, “Yes or no?”

It lights up and Andrew feels something very old dislodge itself from his chest. Son of a bitch.

Neil looks at him, carefully free of expectation, and Andrew can’t let him look like that, like he expects Andrew to push him away. He kisses him and swears he can feel every heartbeat in that mark and the way Neil’s clinging to him leads him to think it’s the same for him.

The team has to come looking for them, but somehow no one really cares how late they are to the banquet.


End file.
